Soon after I get home, my phone lights up with a call. My first thought is that it’s Hannah, as I can’t think of anyone else who’d want to call me. But I just saw her a couple of minutes when she dropped me off.
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It’s not Hannah’s number on my phone, though. I don’t recognize the number. I answer it anyway.
“Hello?” I say.
“Hi! This is Jeff from Brown Cafe. I’m calling to ask you a few questions about the application you submitted the other day. Is now a good time?”
I don’t have anything going on, so I shrug, then realize that they can’t see me and answer, “Yeah, now works.”
“Great! So, your application says your birthday is November Twelfth, correct?”
“Yes.”
“So you’re fifteen?”
“Yes,” I repeat, then add, “almost sixteen,” which immediately makes me feel childish.
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“Yes. Well, I used to work at Anne’s Diner?” I don’t know if this counts.
The interview continues like this, him asking questions, and me answering them dutifully. In the end, he says I have the job and tells me they’ll email me more information.
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As soon as I hang up, I call Hannah. It rings out, so I text her.
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Me: I got the job!!!
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When I check my email, I see multiple messages from Brown Cafe, including a schedule. My first day is next Tuesday.
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I almost call my mom, but, honestly, I don’t want to talk to her right now. Not after hearing her yell at my dad last night.
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I want out of the house so bad, and I miss my friends so bad. I just want to talk to someone who’s still normal.
In a lapse of judgment, I text Jenna.
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Me: Hey! I saw you at school today :)
Me: You free to hang out???
At first, she doesn’t answer, and I instantly regret the messages. She hasn’t reached out to me since my sister died. Why would she answer? I almost texted her again to say, never mind, I can't hang out, but my phone dings.
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Jenna: Sure, where do you want to go?
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For a moment I just sit here, staring at the phone. Why has she been avoiding me if she still wants to be friends? She’s not responded all summer. What happened? Will she be my friend again?
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And then I’m just excited. Jenna wants to hang out! Maybe she didn’t mean to avoid me. Maybe I drove her away.
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I quickly text her back.
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Me: Great! How about the Brown Cafe in 30 minutes???
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Jenna: awesome. Will be there :)
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I can hardly believe it. She’ll be there. I can tell her about the job and how Hannah's being super nice to me and we can gossip and talk like old times. I rebraid my hair and put on a cuter sweater. One I bought with Jenna. Annabelle liked this one. I even apply some makeup. The first I’ve worn since Annabelle died.
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When I glance in the mirror on my way out, I notice I look cute. Like, I actually look pretty. I grab my phone and take a quick selfie. I want to remember that I can feel good. That I can feel pretty. It’s nice.
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I take my bike, riding, the wind on my face, the sun on my back. Today’s been a good day. It tops yesterday easy. Jenna’s talking to me. Hannah’s nice to me. It’s all okay. I’m going to be okay. For the first time in a while, I think I’ll be okay.
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My road slopes down towards the downtown area, so every time I bike there, I get an extra bit of speed just before I reach the sidewalk. In another minute or two, I reach Brown Cafe. I have about ten minutes until Jenna should get here, so I go ahead and get us a table and two coffees. Mine is a hot coffee with two shots of mocha and one shot of coconut. I got her favorite-frozen mint mocha with white chocolate-even though it’s super expensive. I sit at the table and put the coffees on it. I’ve still got five minutes, but Jenna’s usually early to everything, so she should be here any minute.
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I sign into the wifi with the password written on a cute little blackboard hanging by the counter and text Jenna.
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Me: I’m here! Waiting for you <3
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I send it, then get nervous. Does it make me seem impatient? Desperate? Is the heart a bit much? Before I can unsend it, though, the tiny word in the lower right corner turns from sent to read. She doesn’t type back, though.
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I open TikTok on my phone and start scrolling, waiting for Jenna.
The next time I glance at the time, Jenna’s ten minutes late. I text her again.
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Me: Do you need directions???
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She doesn’t answer so I text again
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Me: It’s right downtown next to the craft store
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After five minutes I text again
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So excited to hang out! You on your way???
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Nothing. I should have picked somewhere we’ve been before. Or maybe give her longer to get ready. Jenna always wanted to look cute when we went downtown. A half-hour probably wasn’t enough time.
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I didn’t eat before I left, and I’m getting hungry. I stand and walk to the counter, smiling at the barista, a dark-haired boy with brown eyes. He asks for my order as I scan the menu above the counter.
“Yeah,” I say, “could I get the avocado toast?” I sit again while my food is being made and check for messages from either Hannah or Jenna. Still nothing. I check to make sure I have wifi. I do.
When I finish my toast-which, may I say, was delicious- I text Jenna once more before heading to the bathroom real quick.
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Me: Text me when you get here!
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I decided to take my phone into the bathroom with me, in case Jenna texts.
When I step outside of the stall, I look at myself in the mirror, trying on a smile. I really do like the way I look today. Like my old self. Like Jenna’s best friend.
At that moment, my phone pings. I smile and reach for it, tapping the message.
It’s not Jenna, though, it’s Hannah, responding to my message from earlier:
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Hannah: You did?! Yay! Send me your schedule so I can come say hi when ur working!!! <333
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I don’t text her back quite yet, instead of washing my hands and leaving the bathroom. Jenna’s still not here, so I step out the door and scan the road for her car- a white Honda Civic her parents got her for her sixteenth birthday in march- when I don't see it, I sit back down at the table.
Jenna’s now nearly half an hour late. Kind of unlike her.
I text her yet again.
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Me: You coming?
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I realize she still might not know where to find it.
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Me: Sorry, do you know where the craft store is???
Me: It’s right behind the McDonalds on Main Street.
Me: I’ve got us a table right up front :)
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I’m feeling increasingly self-conscious about the string of texts I’ve sent, but maybe she just hasn't heard her phone ping.
Maybe she forgot?
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Me: I’ve got your favorite!!!
Me: Frozen mint mocha with white chouclat
Me: *Chocolate
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I drain the rest of my coffee and throw away the cardboard ego-friendly cup. Forty minutes late. Did I say an hour? What if she took a shower first. Or maybe she’s driving around trying to find the place and so she hasn’t answered.
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I open Facebook and scroll through pictures of people and inspirational quotes. I have a couple of notifications on Facebook. One says ‘Hannah tagged you in a post’ I click on it and see a selfie she took of us this morning in the car, posing with our Starbucks. We’re both smiling. I save the picture to my phone, then download my schedule from email and send it to Hannah.
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I continue wasting time until I glance at the clock- Jenna is an hour and a half late- and realize that Jenna’s not coming. She stood me up.
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Or maybe something came up. Maybe she lost her phone. Maybe there was a misunderstanding.
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As I sit at the table and continue to scroll on my phone, a single tear rolls down my cheek, finally dropping from my chin onto my phone.
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Still, I sit there. I wait for Jenna even though I know she’s not coming. I know she stood me up. I sit there for hours, while a few other people come and go, me, in my little corner table up front, with Jenna’s full coffee in front of there.
I should’ve known. I’m pathetic.
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Finally, at nine o clock, three hours after Jenna was supposed to meet me, I stand up. I grab my stuff on her full coffee and walk outside. I stop in front of the big garbage right outside the cafe. I tighten my grip on Jenna’s drink and hurl it as hard as I can into the trash.
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I finally check my phone one more time. Jenna hasn’t texted back, but by every single message I sent is the word read.
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and then Add to home screen.