At first, my parents wanted to move. I did too, to be honest, Everything in our home is a reminder of her, but we were told not to make any big decisions for the first six months.
It's been four months. I found her in early June, right before the end of school. We had so many plans for this summer. We were going to go to beaches and movies and work together at Dominos. Instead, I spent the summer locked in my room crying.
I don't want to go back to school tomorrow. I don't think I could stand it. None of my friends have spoken to me since Annabelle died. Not one phone call or text or even a card. Nothing.
The only person I consider a friend anymore is Hannah, who was Annabelle's best friend. She comes over for dinner a lot, and she spoke at Annabelle's funeral, which was huge. Like, our entire school came. Most of the people there didn't even know Annabelle.
I don't know how I will show my face in school. I mean, it's not like anyone's going to make fun of me or anything, obviously. But they'll look at me like I'm a kicked dog or act all sad that Annabelle's dead when they NEVER EVEN KNEW HER. That, or they'll act like she never existed. And that would just be too painful to handle.
When I can't stand listening to my own thoughts anymore, I sit up where I've been laying in bed and check the time. It's nearly midnight. So much for wanting to get to bed early.
My room is dark, and the rest of the house is silent. I stand up and open my door. All the lights are off in the living room. I walk as quietly as I can to the couch and grab the remote, sitting down and pulling a throw blanket over myself.
I turn on the television and flip through the channels. None of them look interesting. I end up watching some kind of documentary about dolphins. I fall asleep a half-hour later.
My mom wakes me up the next morning. She's shaking me gently, smiling kind of sadly. When I wake up, she sits next to me and asks, "Hey, are you feeling alright?" I'm not. My head hurts and I feel like I'm going to vomit. This isn't exactly new to me, though. It's like my constant state now, so I just shrug.
My mom nods her understanding and says, "You don't have to go to school if you're feeling sick."
I know she just wants to help, but as much as I don't want to, I have to go to school at some point, so I tell her I'll be fine and push the blanket off of myself.
I have to walk to school today, so I only have about twenty minutes to get ready. I head upstairs and try to pick out a pair of clothes, but everything reminds me of Annabelle and I end up sitting on my floor crying amidst piles of clothes.
There's a gentle knocking on my already-open door, and my dad walks in. He doesn't ask me what I'm crying about, just ducks out of the room and comes back moments later, tossing me one of his sweatshirts. He smiles encouragingly at me before he leaves.
I pull on the sweatshirt and a pair of black leggings. I grab my backpack, water bottle, phone, and earbuds. I blast music into my ears as I head out the door.
School is every bit as terrible as I anticipated. It's only third period and I already want to go home. All my "friends" are avoiding me, and everyone else is either watching me and pretending they're not, or acting as if they know me.
Also, Geometry sucks. We've only done an introduction, and I am already lost. Annabelle used to tutor me in math. Now I guess I'll just fail.
The only good thing about today is that when I saw Hannah in the hall, she gave me a huge hug and a smile and asked how I was. I told her I was fine, but I know if I'd told her the truth she would've listened.
At lunch, I sit alone. Everyone I used to sit with is acting like they don't know me. So I eat alone, reading while I do.
I love reading. I always have. It's like I just get to drop myself for a bit and enter another world. I can forget everything, if only for a couple of minutes at a time.
I'm thoroughly engaged in my book-a murder mystery thriller-when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I startle and turn to see a girl standing behind me. She's got dark hair and green eyes and she looks a bit young to be in high school.
"Hi," she says, "Um, can I sit here?"
I shrug, "Sure."
The girl smiles, "Thanks. My name's Ava, by the way."
I set down my book and say, "My name's Nora." The girl smiles and nods toward my book. "That's a good one."
"Is it?" I ask, "I've only just started it, and the main character seems a bit..." I shrug and she laughs, then finishes for me, "Sketchy? Yeah, I know. I honestly thought it was him, like, the entire time I was reading."
I lean closer and ask if it was, indeed, the main character. Ava widens her eyes and presses her mouth into a thin line, shaking her head. "I would never tell." She says solemnly. I laugh and she grins.
"So, are you a freshman this year?" I ask. Ava nods. "I'm actually a bit young for ninth grade, as you can probably tell, but I'm a year ahead."
"I don't think I've seen you before. Did you not go to the middle school here"
"Actually," she replies, "We just moved here. This July."
"Oh," I say. She smiles and takes a bite of her sandwich. I go back to reading, and when lunch ends, I smile and wave.
Next, I have chemistry, which is almost as bad as geometry. I have English after that. I've never had a problem with English.
When I'm finally done with school, I head to my new locker and dump my books in it. Hannah comes up beside me and taps my shoulder. I turn to her. "Hey," I say.
"Hi. I was wondering if you wanted a ride home." I smile and hug her.
"That'd be great. Thank you so much."
I follow her out to her car. When we get inside, she hands me her phone and tells me to pick the music. I swipe through her Spotify, finally playing a playlist entitled "good vibes only"
When we get to my house, I give Hannah a hug and tell her I'll see her tomorrow. The house is empty, as both of my parents are still at work. I head to my room to read.
Three minutes reading and my phone is ringing. It's my Mom.
"Hello?"
"Hi, hon," she says, "how're you feeling?"
"Fine. Hannah gave me a ride home." I answer.
"Oh, that's wonderful. I just wanted to let you know that I have a meeting tonight, and your father has to work late, so we won't be home until about Nine."
"Oh, is it okay if I go downtown for a bit?" I ask.
"Sure, hon," She answers.
"Great, thanks," I say, "Love you."
I hang up and grab my phone and wallet.
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