我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZVSkFP1td
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfjfSC2ywQ
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF17HVPUdOR
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Oyg3h94t4
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sAi9Mx7Ds
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCLeBOAWV0
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JVUqMlIN6
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4qFs7rwTb
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm10k9cWdlr
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqQvnuNejK
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHoEPWkcyu
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdMUCJvjgr
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3etJSnYSM
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigzi4GBmEO
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8bCnLWGTj
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdw5GWzsTz2
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlnSR5bIVR
熬夜……對，我的錯。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBErdD7xSE
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcjkgtljX5
的“林布蘭特”？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEpiEQaxoJ
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7vwMUIirT
吸了……458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAXn97SzXe
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Y3ORa0Jeg
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYo2QCTHuO
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6WPTvydSD
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡem2ixqoSbR
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmjbcl6T9Y
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGykVp4pbH
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOI3teu2hP
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1cEpwEySe
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCV88JAl3z
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHi0KGcqzEE
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPr79hc2ac1
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSud6Os2rR0
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXwYKbIlqV
怎麼辦？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCCWjwdj32
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNTFUDAzRH
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAys6RA3G03
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzpjmVDZjN
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPTF0dVpfb
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoim3fIQjF
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Q5pNsu9xB
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvIc1PWUQ0
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZgXIZzYGs
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZSWZJ0xmi
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcCG2yikOO
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIItnjYou99
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQso4ZjIlW
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuetJAV2RZo
「下跪道歉」？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJAvpATkHf
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWG6LY2lKyJ
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3RjdxYCNx
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwhtZe28ld
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIHrikd41a
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CjFrSpBUA
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2GfgPbWbt
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKED23Icz44
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiKdNH97v5
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WIORRF5sU
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdO8PL7mlr
　　458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3TBv1CdpY
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54gXPvNv2w
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13hjXdZqaf
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqfCcEhs8p
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4Ofv9ZV34
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfCdiCq3du
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfXCbbeiZu
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTohFx9Egk
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUnBK4IpFb
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVc4FF4bUh
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrrOUQVJdz
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvfH3iyvNe
　　458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEov0gm9uV
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPyb6xNCe3
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBnLUhwgsk
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aFHw3aemI
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcJRhsfleQ
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxOzyqyJuT
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pVEic3Uvo
「媽」…唉…又來了…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dE8B2M0RH
　　458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3ssdVpXnl
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJZ595Vj5Y
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lQjg9PyNk
咦…不對……458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZANINr756
　　458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRf78oSGHP
我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwQsjSwUzZ
　　458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMqMdihtgt
呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlndxFQM2jb
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJmYZpnnMW
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjqacJVEKz
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlg7HHby38
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhk5ADZrg2
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRjvjTyZwk
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswFZogKe3F
　　458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9o7G7L3QIz
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGr3GDGk3Mv
　　458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jSrkCI8fG
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerYlXFe43Y
　　458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVas70Gj3Nq
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk30tKrwv76
　　458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3S9KbbQ8o
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtUumUrK6y
　　458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWZhWNlrIm
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHsl1jsa0P
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45EcDeRYCe
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccAAHjoXiV
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGamrKY8OA
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsfyYxxMcx
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mqbBEs9fn
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkaKOy24M4
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tCGiOx9lz
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagljt6b5zj
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbG6vJ5rWDi
退不得，那就跑吧！458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6bhtW477b
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNY1QBgg43T
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEShrqWCo73
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8u3CN6dxl
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEBD8DISq7
458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqugXMSB56A
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。