我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3Enx5rs5R
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我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FUULmkebL
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但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZZXhigZ0A
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這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuHVCkbIjA
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是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXs33ETTT6
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也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VBssEiT7Z
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呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQThxiDkzCn
554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrukPBIqvCq
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFXrzwPdYM
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吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1anaLkzMF
熬夜……對，我的錯。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqz2DvLYUi
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizizgXns8s
的“林布蘭特”？554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycG8LA6oI7
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2TsVsF673
吸了……554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6f1qFbqB4Q
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總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW67UjffP1h
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「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoy17Bj6QxO
554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvz2liOIkTI
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BERDMEvvo
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噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLoCMOP9xI
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所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7m5wBTdkzY
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唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4inPuBEiTn
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怎麼辦？554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ513aEF5t7R
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能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgv6sAp1Dbg
554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvzrGwJ6tH
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8OpiAVkql
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但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQLmJc4XN7
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因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEpuBJRVsX
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「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3VIkPNaar
554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3jUn4Zn9g
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgl4G993KxL
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「下跪道歉」？554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFE9t5xuQG
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「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQSor4CUD6
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「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpLcEhlIIi
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不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiV6jPTzGjx
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「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLIRGZVstO
554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Wrw9zkeCU
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOEewMeN3b
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「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ImHhL0px3
554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61AzMbBeu6
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1KvIO7Ulm
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「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKLNhenVMR
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PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1hhkTXdbc
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但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjxyRSss1M
554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmH10TAAiK3
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaT1y9He2gY
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「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKW1HFWQEA
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是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vMG2NTbT8
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「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdYqqf0nvm
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「媽」…唉…又來了…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRvrQNxJud
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我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUQYArIMX6
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咦…不對……554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttgTP6WLar
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我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXfqYJsGRA
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnQMXnXRqX
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「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEz7maxyO2l
554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhJfSxp7yt
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWDJtT9ZwG
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「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaguawTBfFC
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我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXIslcNL4i
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不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujfGGn1fyB
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下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDhjUvhIOn
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只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPc47kZimR8
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我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRO1vqDzWZ
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　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5ksNrkiJO
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「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHmILP3BIE
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“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHWuokucYa
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我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOvl4ME8IH
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退不得，那就跑吧！554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgj5lwyInNh
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於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsUFIXuEEW
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萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……554Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjs3mPTCoMe
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這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。