我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNwEeWd7YF
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGduAT5CSf
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylYd9hfWjQ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TfKzICtK9
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4TiMQskxd
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIsbsNFWWt
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Hqwaj0GnJ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGgzz4dXp0
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHVdNmGHFt
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxz3WoJsFLQ
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjgFei7zcu
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1outDL2j1o
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IQfMp27SH
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThWBn0X4IJ
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQGk7nftTZ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxaL9TS0ay
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxFxrzHaqp
熬夜……對，我的錯。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYupKxKj48
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvmKN2swHz
的“林布蘭特”？563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSflvaaWPES
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2X4BJtoOW
吸了……563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMZsMnV3bG
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1mpticoI8
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNPormIJ6e
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUS8WYmlKR
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqJQGUiUcu
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPfFzje9O2
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMWcqtEGf4
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0YYzvVy5F
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZZsZ1rYQk
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbA5rsduPw
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrxRlLprt2
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOscODxws2q
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydF9poONeH
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogxhQFf2W1
怎麼辦？563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1fX9gevPe
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYlwTACyy1
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWBXA6tw6h
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQ5cI6038K
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwd94f9oTs
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFERlUwpFc
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenjZnXwRp3
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡig1e5v9ac8
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJlh5XSHwj
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fIfYCd3yz
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xceYBFZMb
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIm0IuAlUW
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TP91g2HK7
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWz8SXu4cxh
「下跪道歉」？563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxF1JeA1l1
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUnxOtoDci
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDkiKlFK57
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6fNSPbrcw
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVkgJJa7BG
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9gSa6JXqE
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAIlFEwOt5
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEepcizTLq
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtc9F3VZCr
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNIlA14Xkp
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIaiZw4ezx
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「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3JVeBqgxM
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztAj4ZCx7l
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDhjALJqE1
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xxZCoixpe
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOSsRRDKdB
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgHBgr16gG
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZVpM3PH0R
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaL01uldAZ7
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSevwKz2DZ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLmsD33uxs
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2fMS0RRxC
　　563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYRNeoCkMp
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuOFnB979y
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElsJo8sYFY
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYb1QMqS7HN
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2U2546rSY0
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJwh8kHKaE
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYq9owOzqSz
「媽」…唉…又來了…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6vScwS5gQ
　　563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBI5ozRGfz
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Gab9ZKhPu
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咦…不對……563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtml8zSHJc
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我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFhgeMv9Oi
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLxV2stcR2
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLdQx6wOOa
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpggwUJcSOU
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5DaLQocqa
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalEppaeFko
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVqtDAkTLk
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXvA0LfY1v
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我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXwBxgjMVo
　　563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmClbZeyts6
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ElJ0YAU3J
　　563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxpMOQdS0Y
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VuXtZd5eC
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只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWLmPXMi9Z
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我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsW4oqOBQx
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6679xFkKs
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDvs8uLpJf
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7lQs2r8ca
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5mGp5RIse
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDJQ0vc1IP
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBvqUUYaO9
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnoq1WyjyI
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9wpvh9BQY
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLFIiVFxR0
退不得，那就跑吧！563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlT7ij88VV
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0u58mFsl34
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3B3K2hPsI
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBxUGwQwqD
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrK9iFkvtNP
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2pOmjZIqy
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。