我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqDqOQEnxM
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我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUFPygKenT
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但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoE1nFmO2e
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這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHIHns41HX
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是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnrrcrInnn
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也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTifQbUstX
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呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNDzEU07aF
529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXS0V8GOzxH
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUX7HHchdh
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吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgDo6hrDxk
熬夜……對，我的錯。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SQsEnc59w
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPa0sNFJNx
的“林布蘭特”？529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoudZxNMwaI
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xP0hWgWug
吸了……529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC31DVi1cT2
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總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0D5aUNnVo1
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「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0HaaAnM6q
529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiXLQTTRMV
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCIbXQ6Ll5
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噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkB0FEpgvel
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所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡej1kBi8Inv
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唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrCj0TBeb6
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怎麼辦？529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlAlq47eFp
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能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5USshIH11
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於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGH5W4K4Fw
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但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWxeA9FhF1
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因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbQBBwVSii
529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFF641WdGFW
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20G7ckeVtN
529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UDwOg1Nbf
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7kVVFPnpe
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「下跪道歉」？529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YgfCC6erI
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「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWUcscDboQ
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「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEs9HgVRwm
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不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXlkVEwhGa
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「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbW5ccYF4z
529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNf0Eh6gns0
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0ZDHq3Yco
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「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAui3gx1ve
529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87PnFHxa3S
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefz5TLQzGa
529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtk1OvatzkL
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOzFjzst6s
529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGofKq04Lq
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6r7p6qPXq3
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但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHR6O2Erhq
529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4euKlNJZvr
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrak2ntaaZL
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「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxE26imwKR3
529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnqpQFdr7y
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjADbR5RSC
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「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbCbnpYS34
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「媽」…唉…又來了…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEq6gBluN3r
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我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00LJVB1Fxd
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咦…不對……529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnsfsI8xCB
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我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSaYnZ179n
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90vxGdv4Pt
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「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltVVZm7beP
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我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCM793noCr3
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「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAg2LQj2Zgd
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我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0N6qu0LlI
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不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgqByOACZh
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下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBQreeyQfw
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只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6jroT020B
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我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbyqg3BpBr
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　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysGOePk6mC
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「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwnxmsuI3w
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“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZRtLXnTzq
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我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBRNSlGGct
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退不得，那就跑吧！529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueRgRbCOA9
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於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmPr4PkkMT
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萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……529Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxf9Mi83paG
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這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。