Ruin - Not Real

"They're not real."

That's what I always tell myself, even when I see your face, clear as day, before mine. Giving me that gentle smile as if not a day has passed. 133Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUAVT2YzMp

"They're not real."

But you look real. My heart feels like you're real. But I can't reach you. Can't hug you. Can't kiss you.

"They're not real."

Still, you look at me with those soft eyes, filled with such love and joy it could warm even the coldest of hearts. I want to reach out, to hold you again, to never let you go.

"They're not real."

But I want you to be. It's hard to believe the doctors, that you had a tumor in your brain, that it killed you in your sleep.

"They're not real."

No. Not anymore. But you were...once.

"They're not real." Repeats in my head, and I try to believe it as I look at you, shining in front of me like the last light I'll ever see.

"Please..." I finally beg, "...stay."

You give me that soft smile, your eyes gentle and loving, even as I reach my hand out to you. So close...yet so far away. I reach up to touch your face, but all I feel is air.

"They're not real."

"...no," I whisper, tears filling my eyes, as I desperately try to grab on to you. "No..."

"They're not real."133Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVcjotsWrQ

But I can't be alone anymore. I can't live with myself...without you.

"They're not real."

And then you're just smiling at me, looking like I'm the best thing in the world. That smile always made me feel special, made me feel loved.

"They're not real."

And when I open my eyes, there's a beeping in my ear, the sun shining on my face. A bed. I'm in a bed. My vision clears, and I see that I'm in a hospital room, a heart monitor beeping at my side. My body is battered and bruised, like I was hit by a car.

Because I was.

And finally, it all comes flooding back. Sobbing as I drive away from your house, your pale and lifeless face fresh in my mind. I hadn't been paying attention. My tears had blurred my vision. I didn't see the car coming my way.

A nurse looks down at me, giving me a gentle smile. Just like your smile. But that- ...that can't be right.

"They're not real," I whisper. 133Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYHXkFg0bO

But I can still see you there, standing in my hospital room, smiling at me. I love you...and it's ruining my life.

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