No Plagiarism!B7hCYbY387EySSPQSSBeposted on PENANA 此作者的畫面感以及震撼感的渲染做得十分到位。8964 copyright protection315PENANA9qOOXdA6BJ 維尼
所以……這是超級賽亞人嗎?8964 copyright protection315PENANAdPDADoPbC8 維尼
三階頭髮會變長?319Please respect copyright.PENANAuFEkOO1isx
319Please respect copyright.PENANAAtutm8gUqs
8964 copyright protection315PENANAeCexBcbj5I 維尼
「喝…….喝啊!」8964 copyright protection315PENANA2byZBZOIXT 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAu1ZZtKz7Uz
8964 copyright protection315PENANAFZQsE1suDK 維尼
不是,我喜歡拳拳到肉的快感。8964 copyright protection315PENANAJCtxRSlV7p 維尼
但你是拳拳到拳。8964 copyright protection315PENANA76cpeeBb7H 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAK1vB2OXmqS
8964 copyright protection315PENANAVh8A35NSba 維尼
每一下,男主角都去接,沒有怎麼受傷。8964 copyright protection315PENANAkVtD0SYpUR 維尼
只有巨人縮小至兩米時,被轟飛的那一下。8964 copyright protection315PENANAxIbFFsT3pV 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAIur1Ps4vXT
8964 copyright protection315PENANAw133vLHNsS 維尼
簡單來說就是一部龍傲天作品,並且對話帶點中二的感覺。8964 copyright protection315PENANAx5sBFYNRtP 維尼
可能是我有一點年紀了,並不是那麼喜歡中二的感覺,抱歉,不吃這套。8964 copyright protection315PENANAyTlwKovqRg 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANA0tFfz7uCHB
8964 copyright protection315PENANAMGbEIlcDnV 維尼
像開頭所說的,戰鬥的畫面感有到,但主角好像什麼事都沒有一樣,所以男主角一階可以打二階?319Please respect copyright.PENANAZX0zbqaWBD
319Please respect copyright.PENANALcQIOQRIXU
8964 copyright protection315PENANA05E8AjbcCx 維尼
戰鬥模式建議改善,我目前看到的都是拳拳到拳,只有巨人被揍到吐血,好歹也讓男主擦個臉頰破皮吧,請給阿諾斯一個面子,謝謝。8964 copyright protection315PENANAmr9j1yXCFY 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANA4QmrEQgpSv
8964 copyright protection315PENANAmwc3P1qfq4 維尼
章節的長度問題,在留言區的時候你有跟我提醒了,我不會噴。8964 copyright protection315PENANA4iszCv0FWP 維尼
只是我個人看不慣這樣而已,是否改善就看個人。8964 copyright protection315PENANA6VG3wsOyFn 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAn2g1qlN6JZ
8964 copyright protection315PENANA88RAKVvz4c 維尼
再來全文一萬六千字,你讓我全看男主角一直在跟巨人族打架?8964 copyright protection315PENANAdFUKPkHg9i 維尼
你有沒有搞錯?8964 copyright protection315PENANAatXfv9ayZm 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAo9RC6SiUhB
8964 copyright protection315PENANAdJBk0eIplv 維尼
一直打同一個人就算了,還打不到臉,最可笑的是艾倫的衣服還會自己修好。8964 copyright protection315PENANArv7p0Y5iQr 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAFL3LYKCPce
8964 copyright protection315PENANAbOD4r3HY9K 維尼
我看這個巨人王阿諾斯真的還是回家種田好了,一點敵人的感覺都沒有,戰鬥感有,但刺激感?319Please respect copyright.PENANAAV9SxcckuH
319Please respect copyright.PENANARRLLOcZdIt
8964 copyright protection315PENANAIjkPVhGRhJ 維尼
可以很明白的跟你說,完全沒有。8964 copyright protection315PENANAir95r0mPgr 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAFDxK9T307x
8964 copyright protection315PENANAWOcE5IxLLe 維尼
「我能看到的就是主角開掛般一階幹二階。」8964 copyright protection315PENANA17TUvTTfRk 維尼
天啊,我發自內心的想讓主角受一點傷,留一點點血吧……8964 copyright protection315PENANAoXhjm20yqr 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANA7lxQfU9dp0
8964 copyright protection315PENANAe0MxgNKogS 維尼
一萬六千字全都給我開掛,還全都給我打同一個種田仔,完全就是在跟我開玩笑。8964 copyright protection315PENANASphAqUoPjp 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANApzAYhuyoMo
8964 copyright protection315PENANAKMKZj2K8wh 維尼
在看完第一章結尾後,男主角說要「重新開打」,你他媽還要讓我繼續看這龍傲天VS種田仔。319Please respect copyright.PENANAegBBDpA76x
319Please respect copyright.PENANAynZPp1g0qQ
8964 copyright protection315PENANA0QpBZHjdgt 維尼
說實話,我看不下去,抱歉。8964 copyright protection315PENANAbUxCjJQ5kN 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAi3DnFxAXw3
8964 copyright protection315PENANAhGcgU95XkD 維尼
好歹你也跑一下劇情,做做樣子也好,讀者才不會看的那麼膩。8964 copyright protection315PENANA1SEGRfVSK9 維尼
看得出來你會切換視角,為什麼不穿插個支線跑來給我們看,至少讓我緩緩龍傲天跟種田仔的戰鬥尷尬氛圍。8964 copyright protection315PENANAzc8Lu6t09a 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAi8vdjVWECB
8964 copyright protection315PENANA1hEZghVvX4 維尼
雖然我噴了那麼多,但該稱讚的我不會審略掉,文筆真的不錯,非常具有畫面感跟史詩般的震撼感,這點是你非常大的優點!8964 copyright protection315PENANAjRyW7Ybly0 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAD9SE7JnGu6
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要記住,在一則故事中,需要有起承轉合。8964 copyright protection315PENANAHtxXcnSGza 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAGeZrHVcty6
8964 copyright protection315PENANAX0XhqFf13J 維尼
序章就是一路碾,實在看不出何來起承轉合,你這是叫起飛。8964 copyright protection315PENANARzs8OHOVfD 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAsOGwn3tuaP
8964 copyright protection315PENANAb3kqtRypMd 維尼
明白我的意思嗎?8964 copyright protection315PENANAX48sLMGrrW 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAMtmZOYJC5a
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評語心得:319Please respect copyright.PENANALtPRVacF6f
319Please respect copyright.PENANASGSfugJCww
8964 copyright protection315PENANASrZr7OA55F 維尼
1. 故事設定的還算不錯,但總體有點過於中二與自我,8964 copyright protection315PENANACR9qlrwdeV 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAKOo8CgE0Gm
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2. 簡介打得很棒,有明確吻合主題內容。8964 copyright protection315PENANAi5JIe6l8yP 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAaxLwE74jyz
8964 copyright protection315PENANAxW8SA8uCvQ 維尼
3. 我每一篇都要講一下序章的用途,實在是有一點懶,序章主要是用簡短的文字去概要整體故事跟世界觀,又或者是作者想在這部作品裡表達的深層涵義。8964 copyright protection315PENANAkv1ppeg71Z 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAnpCeYOr3lu
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4. 節奏拿捏的太長,一直欺負人家種田的,艾倫還是不是人?能不能節奏快點?8964 copyright protection315PENANAYLVxHryaUa 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAqP3AXLOG4d
8964 copyright protection315PENANAgjqYL1944b 維尼
5.龍傲天作品沒有不好,也是有許多非常優秀的作品,但我個人不是那麼喜歡龍傲天而已。8964 copyright protection315PENANA7mM79XYfW1 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAxkiZovgvXP
8964 copyright protection315PENANATwvSwHJwaP 維尼
總分:50319Please respect copyright.PENANAX1YA8wmwf3
319Please respect copyright.PENANA5V72l8TjgC
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如果作者能把打種田仔的節奏拉快,且不要拳拳到拳的尷尬感的話,相信我。8964 copyright protection315PENANAe611SxOshC 維尼
你的作品會更加的優秀!8964 copyright protection315PENANAcd4cewseYl 維尼
因為你本身就具有寫出壯闊史詩感的流暢文筆,如果上述的缺點加以補正,我相信這部作品就可以稱得上是佳作了。 8964 copyright protection315PENANAeJ3lRpjDBs 維尼
319Please respect copyright.PENANAmasSChPhh3
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