其實…我地而家係乜嘢關係？ - 一百零三

自從同Andy，Jasper佢哋講完之後，好似有一種…晴晴同我之間嘅關係已經成為一個事實嘅感覺

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有時候有啲嘢要講出嚟先得，

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例如晴晴點解要離開我

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晴晴已經離開咗我，但係我一直好想去挽留返佢

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望住晴晴啲story，其實佢…做學生會雖則話我唔信佢忙到冇時間拍拖，但係佢喺呢個過程入邊亦都好享受，咁我係咪應該放棄晴晴，唔好阻住佢咁開心去過自己本身嘅生活呢？

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如果佢同我一齊，佢會唔開心嘅，咁我係咪算強迫緊佢呢？

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但係我始終唔想咁樣嘅情況發生囉。

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另一個可能性，我都諗咗好耐

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其實晴晴會唔會已經拍緊拖，但係佢冇公開，

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我曾經有幻想過佢會唔會同另一個男仔一齊，做返啲嗰陣時我幻想佢會同我做嘅嘢，例如出街食飯，個場景好甜蜜…

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就算講到呢個地步，我都已經唔係好接受到嘅時候，唔好諗到一啲性行為嘅嘢啦

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我始終喺呢一個地步仲未放得低晴晴，咁我唯有堅持住鍾意晴晴

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我一直好想追番晴晴，

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況且呢一個亦都比我視為生存落去嘅動力

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諗住可以追返晴晴嘅信念其實都持續咗幾年，長到我都唔記得啦，但係呢個信念就…

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一日又一日咁樣維持住落去，咁樣就以年計啦

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我都唔知邊一日會無啦啦完咗呢種諗法，

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可能去到晴晴公開拍拖嗰一下？去到佢結婚嗰陣？

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我唔知，我唔想知

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喺而家呢個階段，我冇乜嘢可以做到，我都唔希望我同晴晴關係再變差，只係希望佢可以一切安好

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如果佢可以開心咁生活落去，我相信我會係開心嘅

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雖則話會因為唔係同自己生活而唔開心，但係我需要慢慢學習接受呢一樣嘢囉

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不過話接受都講咗幾年 :)

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咁亦都就嚟到晴晴嘅生日啦，佢生日理論上會有好多人祝福佢嘅，但係我仍然想send句生日快樂俾佢

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我哋仲係一齊嘅時候，我send俾佢，佢會好開心咁答我

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但係而家…冇人知，亦都冇人理解背後原因

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呢幾年我都照send，不過佢回覆都好冷淡，令我感覺唔send仲好，

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但係我仍然想堅持住呢一個傳統，

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有時候唔一定要比社會嘅成見限制住，一定要有自己嘅諗法嘅

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