Tuesday, After class.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGc5CHwhpQ
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I had been thinking about it all day.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAIlp9BaoD
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About what Hina said yesterday afternoon, about what happened the week prior. Asking someone else to help with my problems. To fix what felt like to me, a burden that I had been carrying all my life. And the person chosen by her?85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuoIr6wgFi
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Kuroiwa Rei.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xIP5qFhtq
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I was always familiar with that name. But the person behind it always felt far away and I had my back turned towards him. I’ve only caught the words that were constantly passing around the school. And they were not very pleasant to hear or even to think about. I didn't know what he looked like. Well... just vaguely. The same with most people in our class. I felt that everyone’s eyes refused to look at him. Just like mine. Not even a second.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqNngkfsV9
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“There has to be a better option.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7a9MzM9GKS
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Mika finally broke my chain of thoughts. She was standing in front of her desk, two rows near the windows at the front of the classroom.
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I had remained in my seat ever since class ended an hour ago.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImYGrzE5Xx
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I looked at her.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp935fzVQ6G
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Her arms crossed like she always did whenever she was against an idea she knew it didn't make any sense. Feet planted on the floor with one slightly ahead of the other. Her face, firm, different from how she usually looked. Her eyebrows tried meeting each other in the middle. I knew that look. I've always known it ever since we were little. And right now? That look was directed to Hina.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYoM5rMMF9
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“Hina,” Mika continued. “Have you heard about this guy’s reputation?”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9upWnuYxt
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Hina was staring toward the back door of the classroom, sitting at her own desk near it. Calm. Steady. Her eyes looked with expectation and her smooth lips, covered with a thin layer of pink lipstick, smiled. She was very relaxed. In fact, she was so relaxed that if I stared at her for a few minutes, I would almost hear her humming in my head. And that bothered me. A tiny little bit.
“Someone told me that he fought ten upperclassmen behind the school!” Yui raised her hand as she poured some of her cheerfulness into jumping down from the teacher’s desk where she sat. “And as a matter of fact, everyone says he has connections to the yakuza.” 85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXh0BxZczy
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“I heard his eyes have supernatural ability to stab you just by looking,” Hina said. The smile on her face was still there. She turned around to look at Yui. “Apparently three students went blind last week.” She giggled.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfo8vzTzMyF
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“That’s weird, I never heard of that.” Yui pondered.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gIQ802y0v
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Mika started getting impatient. She never found anything funny about what had been said.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawRP6FX9HU
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I did... giggled quietly.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84Tx7MaPfl
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“That’s exactly the point!” Mika uncrossed and recrossed her arms, which for her was the equivalent of raising her voice. “On top of everything – he’s a loner, he never talks to anyone, everyone at school avoids him. People don't just avoid someone for no reason, you know.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtQ2a2mOTr
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I knew that. I knew all of that.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFnESP7FSk
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Since the beginning of the school year, I had spent every school day believing what others had said. And his nature of always being a loner made a radius of two empty seats between him and everybody else during breaks.. The rumors sounded ridiculous, they all did. But there was no reason for me to just throw away all I heard. I never intended to talk to him in the first place, even now.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87zfRArCpR
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But the image of my mom being worried, her calling my father who was working overseas. My friends’ frustrations whenever I didn't get what they were teaching me. The supplementary lessons after classes. Me having to go home alone. Everything. They were all mixing together with the thought of this mysterious person who was also my classmate.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRDcwsRrKE
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I swallowed everything and said nothing.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jSohFFbJh
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“Just trust me,” Hina said simply. She was looking at me specifically even though Mika was the one talking to her.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHubrF6RrJ
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I nodded. Very subtle nod.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrJ0oT6InZ
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Then she blinked towards Mika and gave her a stare, the one she always did when she meant to say that she knew more and had no intention to explain anything. We just had to accept it.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrleSdlVsk
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Mika opened her mouth. Closed it.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjOTrRZ4zq
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I felt the same way. When Hina was being like this, pushing back was going to become a huge wall to overcome. The words she spoke were few, but the weight of confidence in them was too heavy.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqw2MNUKebK
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“I just…” Mika lowered her voice. Her head tilted towards the floor. “I still don’t think this is a good idea.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zk5cbpsx1
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“Terrible idea!” Yui agreed cheerfully while raising both her hands.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbO6cgVy9a
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I sighed, stood up and went towards Yui. I couldn’t stand the fact that I felt like I was losing an argument I was never even a part of. Maybe in spirit. I don’t know.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4PvFctANe
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Then the back door opened.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLd8YxxzP6k
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I stopped in front of Yui when it happened. I saw her stand up straight from the sound. And I could feel Mika do the same without looking at her.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgufAJGPLMQ
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I felt him come in.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyh2rquCORu
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His steps were slow. With a certain rhythm that sounded careful. Sounded patient. Gentle.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkRlmWYZDy
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Gentle?85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbojOdj50ZM
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Curiosity crept into me.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROx2lCVrmH
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So I turned. Slowly. Reluctantly, like my body knew something my feet hadn’t caught up yet.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTmUUBtNDV
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I looked at him, and he saw my gaze. My eyes snapped back towards the floor.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpXbE7m3eQ
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He kept walking. After taking a brief look, I got the feeling he had been observing us. The three of us in the front of the class. While he continued towards his seat. At the back beside the window.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagklXfQOjm
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Behind me, Yui was not moving. I couldn’t see her face but her hands suddenly gripping my arm already told me that she wasn’t looking at him either. Mika as well seemed to be doing the same when I glanced at her.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VrsLL9K3f
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“What does he look like?” Yui whispered.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QbuDTrdQ4
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“You have eyes.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyoTImkV88
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“I can’t use them right now.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxxDTvGj4v
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“Why not?”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7P5mEVzdYT
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“I just can’t.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7Qiu83TB5
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“Hi.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptZkXTu7Oq
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That calm voice that suddenly filled the silence came from Hina.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4xJtw7E90
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Just a little bit. For just a little bit I looked up at her direction.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXB488H8eo
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She was composed. Walking. Confident with each step. Towards the silhouette of that guy I was currently trying not to look at.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qi2M53L6l
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I could almost hear the thoughts of Yui and Mika synchronized with mine.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7YqRObejF
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How?
How is she so calm right now?85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAiiR76vvB
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“Kuroiwa Rei,” Hina said, with a slight hint of familiarity in her voice. But as far as I know, this is the first time I heard her talk to him. “Do you think you can listen for a second?”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4f2ioUR9U
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The silence was everywhere inside the room. Too quiet that the noises that came from the classroom below us were the sounds I could hear.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFakH6e6NUk
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I never heard an answer from him. Normally, you would stop talking to the guy at that point, right? Normally, you would think that he's not interested in having a conversation with you. But Hina was different. At least I think she was acting differently than normal at this point. I thought she knew what normal meant. But right now? She was definitely ignoring what it meant.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIqQ8XAT2p
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“There’s something the four of us need from you.” And there you go, she kept talking. And of course, with the ease of someone acting like she did not just spend the last few minutes being reminded that this could be a bad idea. “We were hoping you might be able to help our friend study.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERjPvqCxwH
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I flinched. I was not ready for the conversation to shift onto my existence.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPelRh1NnSA
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“Study?” he said.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzH4NkRk7H
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One word. The first time I heard him talk as far as I could remember. And it was that one word delivered in a voice that was flat and unhurried yet somehow still managed to fill the space it occupied completely.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApm6SuRZ66
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“Exactly,” Hina said, sounding genuinely pleased.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4elRiBrRlR
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I was not. Definitely not pleased.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrm9cQ67BC
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I kept drifting my eyes towards Hina but when I caught a glimpse of him I reverted to my companion, which is the floor. I kept repeating the same thing, but mostly, the one who I intended to look at was Hina. And unfortunately, my eyes were conversing in silence with the floor when footsteps started to fill the room.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wQavQVUNe
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Slow. Steady. Careful. Patient.
My eyes refused to look up. I wanted to brace myself but perhaps looking down was the much safer option to choose right now.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnCsTOKMQa
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The footsteps got closer. Then stopped.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJU4Sgp6yJd
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It stopped right in front of me.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yyXGZpHV4
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I didn’t move. I tried to breathe.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECaazxXoGL
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Then I looked up because not looking felt worse. I was careful not to look at his face. But an open hand sure appeared right in front of me. Patiently waiting.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AcRI0tN1t
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“Test papers,” he said.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcgLwjRZLu
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“Ah.” I didn’t intend to let out any sound, I did anyways.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquqMmPhySO
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I hurriedly went back to my seat but the grip of Yui’s hand behind me slowed me down a little. I wasn’t thinking about it when I released my arm from her hands. I felt her trying to grab it again but I was already far. I felt sorry. She stood there in front of him for two seconds before she decided to follow me and settled behind me once again. My hands managed to find my test papers inside my bag. I took a deep breath then started walking towards him. Yui followed me, still behind me. Then, without looking at him directly, I offered them to him.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZW3jKVac8B
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At that moment I wondered.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUfQ1mdH2i
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Will he laugh? The thoughts arrived continuously. I’ve never shown anyone these scores except my friends. Not even my mom. Is he even capable of laughing?85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCJf7hEVMO
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“I bet his laugh would sound like a villain’s,” Yui whispered from behind me.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMw1mUtQuX
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“Not now,” I whispered back.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AZTu92dTo
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He took the papers and glanced at the first one.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9B2BpGxoS
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“Terrible.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZwrSKcj07
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I heard Yui swallow a laugh behind me and I made a note to address that later.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oJWghBMRL
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“Hey.” Mika raised her voice suddenly. She still looked stiff but the comment she heard from him somehow gathered some courage for her to say what was on her mind. “You can’t just say it like that.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPDq3dLMq9
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He looked at her from the corner of his eye.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkr8RSp3fcP
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She went quiet.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7Qb1PLPIc
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Thank you, Mika… Sorry, Mika…85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPTZzhGebt
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The movements of his hands told me that he went back to examine my test papers. I still couldn’t look at his face. Partly because of the conceived idea that this guy was scary. And also partly because I was nervous about seeing his judging eyes. I just stared at his hands. He wasn’t saying anything but I could feel the tension building around my stomach. I could imagine him trying to look at every single mistake I made, every silly answers I gave. And I wanted to sigh. I couldn’t even sigh.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYI5tgISROi
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“But not impossible,” he said.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWO7yFJTdt
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I blinked.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1bmsvq555
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“Really?” Hina sounded delighted. I was confused.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4L8gEY2Zz
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Not… impossible… I repeated his words back to my thoughts.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj389n2SDin
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“She answered everything,” he continued. “Ninety percent wrong. But she answered everything.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf26Wv3NPe4
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Another muffled sound from behind me.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fuPxYeaSd
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Yui… I swear.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq50aIMAsZ5
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“The answers she gave were wrong. But they aren’t random,” he explained. “She gave some kind of logic behind them, wrong logic, but there’s effort and it shows that she’s trying to solve them.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDNoFrrgrC
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I listened to him. And I started thinking back.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡey9ikInUtb
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Because..85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZqn7Z1PWM
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I had tried. I had studied. I gave my all.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTVrfvJd2b
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Everything was wrong in the end. It felt like I wasted all those times I stayed up late reading my notes, checking all my text books and yet failing to retain what I learned.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfuv7cBiQJ
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I gave the right efforts for everything. But the wrong results were what I got back.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5kySENnY2
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I wanted to tell him. I wanted someone to acknowledge them. And I don’t know if he did. So I asked.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6W5SZ5EYM2
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“Does that mean… there’s still hope?” My voice came out steadier than I expected.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvzAEfCeMO
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“Sure,” he replied.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmQthvcggJ
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That wasn’t reassuring. An of course would’ve been better. Just sure, like it was simply a fact he was confirming.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrmrkYxlaa
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I’ll take it, I thought.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7cA7C9z2Y
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“But I have a condition,” he suddenly added.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VBPkXP5wF
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I was in the middle of smiling when I heard that. And I felt my smile slowly fading and then my mouth opened.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXLNA79Dnv
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Of course. It’s not going to be for free.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCM0vC6w7Ct
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“How much?” I asked, before I’d thought about it.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGYw4e8Jum
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“I don’t need your money.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgY6Y6fKCsW
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I looked at him… for a second then I looked at his hands. Then what?85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBJ4BkjA7B
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“What do you mean?” Mika already asked before I could. She already crossed her arms again, and that meant she was already done adapting from the tension. I wished I could do the same. “If it’s not money, tell us what you want.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhNyb5Gii1
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He was just silent. Then he walked. Unhurried as always, back to his seat.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymsQU5rEUI
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Erwa6UM7e
He reached into his bag and took out a notebook. Then he slowly tore a page from it. He steadily placed the notebook back inside his bag. And carefully he wrote on that page he tore. He patiently folded it neatly. And then he finally walked back.
Why is he being slow when I’m already nervous?85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNOFbgJ3Hj
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZB7Sv6LBh
He stopped in front of me and held out that neatly folded paper to me.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAqO1vxkFa
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwvtwCmwRS
“Don’t open it yet,” he said. “That’s my address.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTa11iBjvu
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97pgYItjHv
“Why are you giving her your address?” Mika’s voice went sharp immediately.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwj9TEttWS
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzL86qqSJko
He kept his eyes on me.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5RjXKrNUj
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“Come to that address tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “Alone. If you want to hear the condition, you’ll hear it there.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5PkgbCaWW
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8XXSjMU3b
Alone? I sat with that word for a moment.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4IM8HlszW
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6o5ZrqpAi8
Alone. In his apartment. Just the two of us?85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0L5U6aCac
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pG8C28UeG
Me, with a boy with a terrible reputation?85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwp2jlbA1V
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlR9di4AgdQ
I had to say no. No was the immediate answer. And it’s where this conversation should end.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRr3LOUihx
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpbhfowSkC
But the word. That one easy word to say wouldn’t come out. Instead it was drowned by two other words.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAOHfxUN1x
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMW8TT5c3j
Not Impossible.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6bp5rKkdV
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“No!” Mika said what I couldn't. “Absolutely not! Why does she need to come alone? I’ll go with her.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRec5Z5UMew
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvC7xee35R
“I need her to come alone.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9ilWnmjM8
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHZXmzuUr8
“Then this is over. We’re not agreeing to that.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxupCVTSVbE
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCf0T7G3sP
He looked at her.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTfUjEPKqV
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhlYlttIOV
“Tojo Mika,” he said.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxIC6LQmig
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Mika stopped.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeNlvldkqn
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“Always ready to answer when the teacher calls on you. Above average grades. A few points from breaking into the top ten.” He retained his usual way of talking. Serious, precise and unwavering. “The annoying girl with pigtails.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16zukgkNgF
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecgoqlQdhO
Mika’s mouth opened.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAoTe0cHr3
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bM7XoavCM
“Shirogane Yui.” He stared at the one who had been trying to hide behind me all this time.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwqZNqEfcL
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZm73QzF3S
Yui made a small startled sound.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc674SINHLa
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ckWeUAWUI
“Decent in class. Your reasoning when teachers call on you is good. You just don’t take studying seriously enough. A little more effort and you’d be above average.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaMxlXZFhX
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ooMYPB1Uk
“Oh,” Yui said softly. I could practically feel her eyes glittering wide behind me.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjkwlNRddx
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJg0QLIg0p
“Asakura Hina.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNJSrPvyzg
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmbev9cjyP
“Hmm?” Hina tilted her head like she’d just been greeted across the cafeteria.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnfvJQO1uv
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCiitQ85PB
He paused for a second.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgs3cMVTCFV
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“Top two in our grade. Excellent across subjects. Your math is the one place you’re leaving points on the table.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyKFaMgBK0
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvFWZWZkW1
“My, you’re actually right.” Hina smiled. Genuinely smiled. Like she was pleased someone had brought it out and noticed.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm18aVSptQe
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXngSzCLSa
I heard that. And I wanted to protest. She got 91 in math and he still called it lacking? Isn’t that a little bit absurd?85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Q2V467OwF
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSf4e89SrEA
I felt mildly annoyed this time.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNx3duQ8OZT
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“None of you are bad students,” he continued. “All three of you know how to study.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2VWBxTCsS
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2XAdmZ950
“So what is your point?” Mika said. Still sounding fierce. But when I looked at her. She was looking at the floor. It felt like she knew what he was going to say next but still asked anyway.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGECWIDZ4Df
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLz98UhIYM
“And yet.” He paused. “You gave up on her.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRa0D2uuPGC
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Everyone went still.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TFzGhBPzP
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Yui stopped moving behind me. Mika’s arms dropped slowly. Even Hina was quiet.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaR2fWvansr
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqajQjf10Y
As for myself. I did not understand what he meant.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHlNJRYysg
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDFXd9cWDA
“You probably tried,” he continued. “And when it didn’t work, you stopped. Three people who know how to study. And none of you stopped to ask why it wasn’t working for her. Why she couldn’t hold onto what you were teaching her.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03ZLe0Fnyg
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmNfJPXTSd
“It’s not their fault.” I let it out. I wasn’t planning to, but I let it out all the same. My voice was shaking slightly, I wanted him to stop. “It’s hard for me to hold onto things. They’d explain something and I’d get it, and then after a while it would be gone. It’s not their fault. They did everything for me. They did everything they could. I was just… lacking…”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVFjvk9yBW
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sEZSI8pPq
My hands were shaking at my sides.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJT1l6H4fLH
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQTvUmzEmY
“I’m the problem. Not them.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3QTfAjyYw
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVo7ZFC4sUQ
I tried to let those words sink into him. But the voice that came out next wasn’t from the person I wanted to speak in this moment.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBJ1zhblKk
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ElFvJfJ4O
“I’m sorry, Runa,” Mika said. It was barely a whisper.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgt59wPrQ30
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwHW0pwCMx
Behind me. Yui’s hands let go of my arm and she wrapped hers around me. She was quiet, and her embrace meant an apology I didn’t want her to give.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcywHypohQI
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpa706ws3D
I stared at the floor.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsso7xCIiLE
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It’s not their fault. It was never their fault.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqL9uUIBdvu
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DsOUN0xTP
He let out a long exhale from across me.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKBLrTmNct
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0VDMmLDWO
“I know,” he said. “You think it’s your fault.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PtO1wnsbS
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4YBfAclPm
“You don’t understand…” I looked up at him. I looked up at his face. And for the first time I actually looked. Really looked. And I noticed immediately. His hair, messy and dark. Clearly never been introduced to a comb. His face that looked sharper than I expected up close. Angular in a way that would have been striking if he put any effort into it at all, which I assumed was something he would never do. He’s taller than me by some noticeable margin. And his eyes were just looking back at me. Dark and direct and completely still. Intense, in a way that made sense of why people avoided them. But honest. Telling me that all he just said was true. “Don’t say it like that about them. They tried. They really tried to help me. They tried everything.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINX9i1gRJZ
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hCP5gMbRv
He held my stare. Never looked away, never felt threatened. Somehow it was more unnerving than if he had.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJO2vkd8wec
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOxlW5VkMi
“You’re right,” he said. “I don’t understand.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNY2dTyp1q
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He looked around and then stopped his gaze on me.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxYAleS0IB
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“But from where I’m standing. All of you are at fault.” His voice cut through my excuses. “Not because they gave up, but because none of you understood why it wasn’t working. Not them. Not you. Nobody stopped to ask the right question.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnBRiZtzWw
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8tHUnjaWD
Where I failed, he succeeded. Those words he said sank deep inside me. But the quiet my friends had surrounded me with, made me feel like it sank deeper for them.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GFQlGb8iu
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTelnfvIbs4
“Studying is a skill,” he said suddenly. “It’s not something you either have or don’t. It’s something you learn. Something you can get better at. But only if you understand how.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOJ6nOR8vr
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5Ij55kNr1
That stuck inside my thoughts.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrqFKVBHSI
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EbaCjXIA3
A skill.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rBZGaBRGj
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbTuVqf6QT
Not a talent. Not something you either had or didn’t. Something you could actually get better at.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepH3pfRY8h
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7eVq2c4y2
Which sounded like exactly the kind of thing someone said right before they sold you something.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52cX0vu1i8
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0zHJer8CW
And yet.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCIgrX3aOS
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSyNDmJeFG
I wanted to believe it so badly. I wanted it to be real. But I don’t know if he was telling the truth. I don’t know if I could actually trust his words.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgNc2onBH6
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlygv5kYQa
He moved towards his bag and carried it with his hand towards the back door of the classroom where he suddenly stopped.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdi8wmz6ZdZ
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekqz45XUQJ
I watched him. He was moving slowly, but not as slow as I remembered a few minutes ago.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pY9e1tjcZ
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcw8aR7N7x
“If I help you,” he said, “you’ll be in the top ten of our grade by the end of the year.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Z1lrEIF35
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb63ivvroet
Mika’s eyebrow went up.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWCGTwfJyt
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I didn’t say anything. I just listened.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopkZSgGF6m
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DR0rNcyiU
“It won’t be easy,” he continued. “But it’s achievable.” He stared at me. “If you agree to my condition.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuFlkOmRS0
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And just like that. He was gone.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZEUmpiorR
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Nobody was making a sound. Not even Yui, who I thought would’ve already said something ridiculous but she stayed behind me gripping her arms around me tighter than before.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJa6DwgMGvP
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3sIx5ukjy
“He called me annoying.” Mika broke the silence. Her voice had a mix of ‘about to get angry’ and ‘about to get confused’.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQtmXqvaO7
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoMzhcKlHT
“He called all of us by name,” Hina offered.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQuQOq8x8e
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mxU1MDKcd
“He specifically called me annoying!”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsxlWfm1lZ
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErWKc0CLum
“He also assessed all our academic capabilities without ever being asked.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyP3dBWm7Pe
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“That’s creepy and also not the point.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrfFiP1M0i
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8LrP0NDrU
“He was wrong to call you annoying,” Hina said. “But was he wrong about everything else?”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVugjKYADc
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Mika slowly stared at the floor. “...No.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLmocrRofd
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“I was hurt as well, since he was right.” Hina carefully walked towards Mika, then she placed her hand on Mika’s head. “But I think he is someone we can trust,” she said and her familiar smile returned.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8uvJs6bYJ
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzO1GCAbay
“How do you know that?” Yui finally spoke, peeking at Hina from behind me.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCevQAw6Ip
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTmVCmp8gZ
Hina smiled wider. “I just do.” She glanced at Yui and gave her a little wink.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOJg2OtW6A
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAyT9GFQSc
“You can be really weird sometimes,” Yui told her.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HhzoiG0qY
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And I agreed with Yui. I didn’t know what to think. Everything he said seemed too good to be true. Top ten? In just a year?85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbdE3ZITyR
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I looked at the folded paper in my hand.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL58nrTKElZ
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0v12IVGHsK
“… I still don’t trust him,” Mika said quietly. But I heard it.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzgpYNOeG5
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I don’t either. But the hope he gave me was uncomfortable and at the same time something that I wanted to hold onto. Something that maybe could turn my life around.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYSgzsdwXv
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6a956cjDe
I closed my fingers around the paper.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjF9q2HMaQ
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This idea is terrible, I thought.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxs7FIZqa54
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3adPTv92is
And yet.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrG3j2XxWq
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZuBnGSp1w
Tuesday, afternoon85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2RU4Inmpn
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhBgdMDBN0
On the walk to the station, Yui and Hina did most of the talking.
Yui finally regained enough of her composure for her to tell us stories about what was happening in another class. Specifically class 2-C. And she presented them with such focus and energy that she was like delivering some breaking news. Hina listened as she always did and sometimes contributed to them as well.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSD9vXR3O0m
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2bdSEV160
I laughed with them. I said the right things. I didn’t want to show that what happened just a few moments ago was still shaking my thoughts.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5P6wJG33Z
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SrVHNDj6E
Mika walked beside me like she always did. She wasn’t talking.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgWtI6cvwU
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That was always how she got when something was sitting on her. The words went inward instead of out. I knew because I’d been watching it happen since we were small enough that the walk between our houses felt like an adventure.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAdQjJWybS
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We split at the station like we always did. Yui and Hina going one direction, Mika and I going the other. Yui waved her hands as she rode the train with Hina. I smiled at her. And then they were gone.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36l9Wm2oj9
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The train was quiet for the few stops between school and home, and by the time we were walking the familiar street toward our houses the afternoon had gone golden and long around us.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Po5cqD2Ti
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Mika hadn’t said anything yet.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABeQRQGmcs
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I let her be.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9e3JKIooDD
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“Will you go?” she asked finally.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscP3aUjxns
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“I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure. Maybe I was sure.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iDwru7lf4
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I don’t know. I repeated in my head.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHIgG2aROR
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4RX4fWaBg
“He’s not someone you can trust easily,” Mika continued.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBd5Kml3xq
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“I know.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdGOM3NTa7
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDGdZDmjYP
“Everything he said…” She stopped herself. I knew what the end of that sentence was.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEodYHEvELV
85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwtFhuJUgU
Sounds impossible. Doesn’t add up. Doesn’t make sense.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSm34EdF35
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“I know,” I said again.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfevhG6abRp
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We walked half a block without talking.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCHIIdSoqm
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“I’m sorry,” Mika said. Softer this time. “I keep thinking, if we’d tried harder, or differently…”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ151zimh3Gf
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“Stop,” I said gently. “It’s not yours to be sorry for. I mean it.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJPurzoUGY
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“I want to try again. We can start over, do it differently…”
“Mika…”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUf4xxohp5
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She went quiet.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXqKJmGalv
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“You already tried,” I said. “You all did. And I know you would again if I asked. But I also know it didn’t work, and I don’t know why, and maybe that’s what he was talking about.” I looked at the street ahead. “The right question nobody asked.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQgd2iWbqF
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Mika kept silent as we continued to walk.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3O8AnM80f
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A few seconds later.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYD82m9Ujz
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“If you decide to go,” Mika said eventually, “and anything feels wrong…”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kdLtEp5Ct
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“I’ll call you immediately.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfnXfBNR4s
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“Before immediately.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGpFf4ZPTE
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“Before immediately,” I agreed.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBX2NcPMbHd
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“I don’t want you to go.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDZzcwyA5I
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“I know.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsHQZulv1C
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“But you’re going to anyway.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡle1Z3RIlGP
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I looked at the folded paper still in my hand.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLeKxq13do
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“...Maybe,” I said.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzph6jvxPc
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Mika exhaled. She knew that at this point she would never be able to convince me.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5J0hGeWZw1
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I smiled at her.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUBuDj7AOe
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“Stay safe,” she said. “Call me when you get there. Call me when you leave.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9d7INBvpl
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“Okay, mom.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3W68Dgeik4
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“I’m serious.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JyT2ChbmJ
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“I know you are. That’s why I said it.”85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8gu68XNOz
She smiled at me but as soon as she turned away, I caught her trying to hide an expression she didn’t want me to see.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vLDUPTNHj
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I looked up at the sky instead. The clouds had turned colors, orange edging into pink at the horizon, the blue above it going deeper.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABMCdJaWcq
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Will I go?85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnGtsP7fIV
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I didn’t have the answer yet.85Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRszsiM1OK5
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But I was running out of time to keep saying I didn’t know.
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and then Add to home screen.