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求助 - 香港小說家聚腳地 | Penana
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求助
詭娃
#1
我第一次在這裡po文,不知道內容结構可不可以,請大家看一下😭
5 years ago
Reply
文維
#2
我自己就建議可以改善一下少啲一行一句啦~
5 years ago
Reply
詭娃
#3
好!🐴
5 years ago
Reply
文維
#4
我睇左最新一集
我認為妳用括號黎方開視點嘅方法需要落啲苦功~
5 years ago
Reply
詭娃
#5
那個是內心话欸~🤔
5 years ago
Reply
文維
#6
我知道呀~
不過可能要考慮有人會睇唔明
就好似正話幫妳修改個部份,妳將視點俾左夏辰希
但係妳係用括號,個PART其實有混淆左,究竟真係心底話,定係分鏡黎呢
不過又唔算大件事黎嘅~加油啦~
5 years ago
Reply
千撒
#7
我反而覺得有啲位缺乏咗個主語,即係邊個講嘢你冇寫清楚,雖然睇埋後面都應該會明,但我覺得寫埋會比較好;)
5 years ago
Reply
藍傑沙
#8
加油
5 years ago
Reply
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我認為妳用括號黎方開視點嘅方法需要落啲苦功~
不過可能要考慮有人會睇唔明
就好似正話幫妳修改個部份,妳將視點俾左夏辰希
但係妳係用括號,個PART其實有混淆左,究竟真係心底話,定係分鏡黎呢
不過又唔算大件事黎嘅~加油啦~