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求評《Ed的箱庭之旅》(0-5章)
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諸葛村夫
#1
我最近大致上改好了故事的大方向,大致上就是跟著:
主角被丟到另一個世界→和女主過夜→第二天被包圍→兩名重要角色幫忙解圍,並告訴他們這個世界的事+一條重要線索。
但是我自己看上去發現感覺不對,又說不出在哪些地方出事。所以我希望有人看看故事從0-5章的內容,看看開首的部分如何,只要解決了開頭的部分,後面的情節應該就比較好處理了。
penana.com/article/1212129
3 months ago
魚落井
想問作者“感覺不對”是哪方面的不對?雖然作者“説不出哪些地方出事”,但應該可以姑且給個方向,例如到底是劇情邏輯、世界觀敘述、人物塑造等等,其他人會更方便給出意見。
不然作者得到並不想要的意見,例如明明是想抓劇情邏輯的蟲卻得到一堆關於敘述觀點的建議,評論者也白費了力氣。
3 months ago
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主角被丟到另一個世界→和女主過夜→第二天被包圍→兩名重要角色幫忙解圍,並告訴他們這個世界的事+一條重要線索。
但是我自己看上去發現感覺不對,又說不出在哪些地方出事。所以我希望有人看看故事從0-5章的內容,看看開首的部分如何,只要解決了開頭的部分,後面的情節應該就比較好處理了。
penana.com/article/1212129
不然作者得到並不想要的意見,例如明明是想抓劇情邏輯的蟲卻得到一堆關於敘述觀點的建議,評論者也白費了力氣。