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【求評】《黑犬》40年代下的美國愛情故事
Join the society to participate in the discussion!
Rosalin Mor(寶藍)
#1
先給各位大大我故事的連結!
penana.com/story/43800/%E9%BB%91%E7%8A%AC-black-dog
求評範圍:目前已有的第一章節
評論方向:就各位大讀完之後的第一個想法跟一些建議!不用太顧及我的心情而省略問題部分 例如文筆太粗糙或是故事太沒有連貫性抑或劇情太沒有共鳴... 等等還麻煩大家都一一提出,我也會廣泛吸收想法後寫出更好的作品給大家!
以下為故事簡介~
「親愛的,」漢米親了一下我的臉頰。「看那邊,攝影師要拍了。」
輕笑一聲,我抬眼看向鏡頭,漢米溫柔地將他的臉頰貼上我的。
「對,就是這樣... 很好!一,二... 三!」
閃光燈一閃,將我們倆這一瞬的樣子永遠保存了下來。
閉上眼阻斷回憶,我安靜地放下手中照片,仰起頭對著滿布灰塵的閣樓天花板。
伸手揉捏鼻樑,兩行淚水靜靜淌下。
「你... 什麼時候才能回來?」
謝謝大家!
1 year ago
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penana.com/story/43800/%E9%BB%91%E7%8A%AC-black-dog
求評範圍:目前已有的第一章節
評論方向:就各位大讀完之後的第一個想法跟一些建議!不用太顧及我的心情而省略問題部分 例如文筆太粗糙或是故事太沒有連貫性抑或劇情太沒有共鳴... 等等還麻煩大家都一一提出,我也會廣泛吸收想法後寫出更好的作品給大家!
以下為故事簡介~
「親愛的,」漢米親了一下我的臉頰。「看那邊,攝影師要拍了。」
輕笑一聲,我抬眼看向鏡頭,漢米溫柔地將他的臉頰貼上我的。
「對,就是這樣... 很好!一,二... 三!」
閃光燈一閃,將我們倆這一瞬的樣子永遠保存了下來。
閉上眼阻斷回憶,我安靜地放下手中照片,仰起頭對著滿布灰塵的閣樓天花板。
伸手揉捏鼻樑,兩行淚水靜靜淌下。
「你... 什麼時候才能回來?」
謝謝大家!