/society.php?id=239&action=replysocpost&i=3597&c=38617&o=21036&parent_id=38617
新人/老人 寫手 自強社群 | Penana
arrow_back
新人/老人 寫手 自強社群
Login
Cancel
Search stories, writers or societies
Show More Tags
Continue Reading
Clear All
More
What Others Are Reading
Refresh
See more results for "
"
X
Never miss what's happening on Penana!
Turn on notifications
Later
Info
Discussion
Members
你提作我閱讀 第一彈
Join the society to participate in the discussion!
初然或許
#6
哈囉!你好~~
作品名:倒轉沙漏
它是以一個小故事的形式來寫,每一篇基本上不會有關連,除了一兩篇比較長或者時間緊急才會以兩篇的形式出現
希望~喜歡
做得不好的話請給我建議,謝謝!
6 years ago
釉瑤
我是覺得,你有幾個地方要注意:
1.首先,你的描述方法,太直白(?)了,因為你的句型一直是:一個女孩.....那個男孩,那個男孩.....一個秘密.,一個秘密....。很像在說話,有點死板(好像)。
2.每行每句太近,閱讀起來我的眼睛有點痛苦。
我建議你可以多多增加小說的閱讀量,看看其他人小說的格式及陳述方法,用詞盡量別太死板。
不過我覺得你的小說給我一種青春氣息,還挺可愛的(真的),希望你繼續加油,有空也來幫我點評一下呀(求指教)
6 years ago
初然或許
@釉瑤, 謝謝你的建議,我會繼續努力和改進!
6 years ago
釉瑤
@初然或許, 加油加油~
6 years ago
< Back
×
Subscribe
Go to the magazine
/
+ Add tip
The tip will be charged every payment period
+ Add promotion code
Apply
close
Recipient Name
Shipping address
Phone Number
I prefer
not to receive
the physical benefits.
JOIN
Pay with
xxxx xxxx xxxx
Update payment method
This is a one-time purchase.
If you don't cancel before the trial ends, you will automatically be charged the subscription fee every
until you cancel.
Renews automatically every
, unless you decide to cancel. You can cancel your subscription at any time.
You can pay with non-card methods if you subscribe for
12 months
.
Please leave your contact phone number here..
We will reach you soon by Whatsapp at the tel number you provide.
SUBMIT
Please enter phone number.
Credit card payment
You have subscribed to this plan already!
Manage subscriptions
X
×
People Who Like This
x
Proceed
0
will be deducted for this action.
Your current coin balance:
0
(
Click to buy coins
)
Confirm
Cancel
arrow_back
×
×
Send
send
×
Install this webapp for easier offline reading: tap
and then Add to home screen.
X
REGISTER
LOGIN
account_circle
email
vpn_key
I have read, understand, and agree to the Penana
Terms of Service
.
JOIN
email
vpn_key
Remember Me
LOGIN
Forgot Password?
OR
Login with Facebook
作品名:倒轉沙漏
它是以一個小故事的形式來寫,每一篇基本上不會有關連,除了一兩篇比較長或者時間緊急才會以兩篇的形式出現
希望~喜歡
做得不好的話請給我建議,謝謝!
1.首先,你的描述方法,太直白(?)了,因為你的句型一直是:一個女孩.....那個男孩,那個男孩.....一個秘密.,一個秘密....。很像在說話,有點死板(好像)。
2.每行每句太近,閱讀起來我的眼睛有點痛苦。
我建議你可以多多增加小說的閱讀量,看看其他人小說的格式及陳述方法,用詞盡量別太死板。
不過我覺得你的小說給我一種青春氣息,還挺可愛的(真的),希望你繼續加油,有空也來幫我點評一下呀(求指教)