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新人/老人 寫手 自強社群 | Penana
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公爵
#5
嗨~可以來看看我的《白羽》給點寶貴的意見嗎?
不能說是好看的故事,但也盼得君歡心。
6 years ago
釉瑤
因為我也是新手....我是站在讀者的角度來看我對這部作品的感受(因為時間問題,我只有看第一章Sorry~)
我認為,戲劇張力有到,會讓我想看下去,感覺人物都有各自的故事,節奏也拿捏的不錯,不會拖拖拉拉。
只是...你的排版方式有點奇怪..例如A講完話,接下來B又說話時,你A後面都句點了,B應該換行再寫。
還有,有些句子可以適當拉長一些,例如"..講話內容....."A不耐的回應。在回應後面,可以再搭配一些他的面部表情、動作、神色之類的,會讓人覺得這個角色更加立體的呈現在眼前,但也不要描述的太過詳細,不然劇情會拖很久。
PS:希望對你有幫助,也來幫忙指點我的吧~
6 years ago
公爵
@釉瑤, 真的很感謝留了這麼一大段TT,我一真以來排版都很有問題,可能是以自己能看明白為主吧。。。。
6 years ago
釉瑤
@poon poon, 安啦~我當初第一次寫的時候也被同學罵到臭頭,人物在那邊尖叫"阿",我還把阿越寫越大,以示驚訝(超蠢),多寫就會改善,真的!
6 years ago
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不能說是好看的故事,但也盼得君歡心。
我認為,戲劇張力有到,會讓我想看下去,感覺人物都有各自的故事,節奏也拿捏的不錯,不會拖拖拉拉。
只是...你的排版方式有點奇怪..例如A講完話,接下來B又說話時,你A後面都句點了,B應該換行再寫。
還有,有些句子可以適當拉長一些,例如"..講話內容....."A不耐的回應。在回應後面,可以再搭配一些他的面部表情、動作、神色之類的,會讓人覺得這個角色更加立體的呈現在眼前,但也不要描述的太過詳細,不然劇情會拖很久。
PS:希望對你有幫助,也來幫忙指點我的吧~