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T. S. Stone
#3Oh, I've just read it! I gave some suggestions for spelling and punctuation errors, but I think the story is really good. I would say it's a bit cliche, but it's always a challenge to make entirely original stories so I totally understand. I do really enjoy the mystery aspect of the story. The twist at the end isn't that surprising, but you can still do a lot to make it an amazing plot twist. You should try to give a couple more hints to him being the killer. You could make it that when he is Jake the investigator that he feels sudden and unexplainable impulses to hurt people. You could add a scene where he is with someone and suddenly feels like hurting then, but quickly shakes away that feeling. This would help build foreshadowing to the reveal that he is the killer. I really like the way you word things and add an extra layer of suspense and detail to everything. Describing how Jake got in the car and how it sped away made the scene really immersive. I hope some of this helped.
3 years ago
IgnitedChaos
Thank you for the edits, I really appreciate it! I plan to edit the story a bit, as well as the introduction. I know that the ending is a bit obvious, but the main thing I was trying to get at was for the reader to understand what was happening, and to see the gradual realization of on Jake's point of view as he comes to understanding what truly is going on.
3 years ago
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