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【求評】本人的處女作:Ace Team系列的故事開頭
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黑大拿
#3
稍微過目了下,雖然只看了序章和第一章啦,不過能感受到作品想嘗試給讀者帶來未知的壓抑感。
只是在各部分上還能更好。比如些許斷句我看得跌跌撞撞,有點喘不過氣。以及對場景、人物動作所書寫的壓抑感,還能試著再多加描繪。
(當然也可能是因為主角是特工,所以特意沒有寫得特別明顯,這裡就稍微提一下而已。
這裡給兩部我喜歡的著作,類型與貴作雷同,可以參考參考:
1.鬼吹燈:特別是前段與朋友一起冒險的部分,宛如當年自己看《鬼吹燈》第一本的感覺。只是看《鬼吹燈》自己差點嚇得把書丟掉,看《特工》則比較像是單純的看一場冒險而已。
2.Drowning In Sand:譯名溺於流沙。主打DG,也就是克蘇魯神話中的特工世界觀作品。特別推薦他前段著重在特工的部分,反倒讓更吸引我。
最後是我給的答案:只論序章,我會看。
但第一章太長,而且沒有特別大的誘因,我會等有好幾天的空白時間才會翻閱。
如果後面劇情有更大的爆點,也能偷偷告訴我XDDD
只是自己的評論想法,不喜請見諒,我立刻刪。
2 years ago
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只是在各部分上還能更好。比如些許斷句我看得跌跌撞撞,有點喘不過氣。以及對場景、人物動作所書寫的壓抑感,還能試著再多加描繪。
(當然也可能是因為主角是特工,所以特意沒有寫得特別明顯,這裡就稍微提一下而已。
這裡給兩部我喜歡的著作,類型與貴作雷同,可以參考參考:
1.鬼吹燈:特別是前段與朋友一起冒險的部分,宛如當年自己看《鬼吹燈》第一本的感覺。只是看《鬼吹燈》自己差點嚇得把書丟掉,看《特工》則比較像是單純的看一場冒險而已。
2.Drowning In Sand:譯名溺於流沙。主打DG,也就是克蘇魯神話中的特工世界觀作品。特別推薦他前段著重在特工的部分,反倒讓更吸引我。
最後是我給的答案:只論序章,我會看。
但第一章太長,而且沒有特別大的誘因,我會等有好幾天的空白時間才會翻閱。
如果後面劇情有更大的爆點,也能偷偷告訴我XDDD
只是自己的評論想法,不喜請見諒,我立刻刪。