Okay, so your intro is actually very intriguing, and I like it a lot. There's just a few critiques I'd like to give you on this. I hope you like what I have here for you:
Your first two sentences pull you in but the first sentence is a little confusing to understand when you first read it. So I'd possibly change it to: "Gone is the day when Americans only worried about how long their phone battery would last." Then continue on with the second sentence. Shortening the sentence just a little helps with the clarity and makes it easier for the reader to understand. :)
"Their land is now destroyed and the small, high class families now live in a classified area." - This is just grammatical stuff.
"Davis isn't like any of the other Corrupted. No. She's different." -This gives more impact in my opinion, so I'd suggest this change, but it's completely up to you.
Love the last sentence. :) That's all I got for this! I hope my critique helps! :D
Your first two sentences pull you in but the first sentence is a little confusing to understand when you first read it. So I'd possibly change it to:
"Gone is the day when Americans only worried about how long their phone battery would last." Then continue on with the second sentence. Shortening the sentence just a little helps with the clarity and makes it easier for the reader to understand. :)
"Their land is now destroyed and the small, high class families now live in a classified area." - This is just grammatical stuff.
"Davis isn't like any of the other Corrupted. No. She's different." -This gives more impact in my opinion, so I'd suggest this change, but it's completely up to you.
Love the last sentence. :) That's all I got for this! I hope my critique helps! :D