things are better, and I'm learning to cope. honestly this was no where near what i had planned to write originally until i relized that writing anything else would be ignoring what i've been trying to ignore for 15 years now. 

I'm happy to hear things are going better. Sometimes the things you don't plan to write come out better than what you actually planned to write. That's exactly what I see here. :-)

@Kholekins2001, thank you :-) i know it's not perfect but i'm glad I wrote it. Thank you for making this contest, it gave me a way to get something off my chest that i really needed to, and you'll never know how much that means to me

Glad I could help. :-)