I REALLY enjoyed this!!! I saw some nit picky grammar and spelling things but this is a first draft so that's expected and not to be worried about while you are developing the story. I love your omnipresent tone here. For me, it was really reminiscent of Tolkien in "The Silmarillion". What an imaginative story line!! The world/universe you are developing is very clear, you detail it without making it a laborious backstory which is really good. You do a good job as well at keeping the action going and establishing conflict early on to snag the reader. The only part that threw me was when Pura said that the forest was going to die that night, I felt like that scene hit me out of the blue. I would have loved to see more interaction between them when they first met to further flesh out their characters and hint at what their relationship will look like. I'm fairly good at editing if you ever seen someone for the silly little detail hiccups. I work with StefaniMichelle on here mostly for her story 'Ascension' and she says I'm very respectful and true to her vision. If you ever want another eye, I'm here to help! Because I really love this and think this has SO much potential to be super epic. GREAT job again, I cannot wait for the next installment!
Thank you, I'm glad you've enjoyed it - yeah I was torn with a speed on that too, I've been meaning to flesh it out but I'm sort of at a block with this section; I'm not sure how I'd like to develop Pura yet... But there is plenty to come!
But I'm starting to think a second pair of hands might be useful... I'll have a look through StefaniMichelle's stuff, and a look back through mine, and get back to you :-)
I love your omnipresent tone here. For me, it was really reminiscent of Tolkien in "The Silmarillion". What an imaginative story line!! The world/universe you are developing is very clear, you detail it without making it a laborious backstory which is really good. You do a good job as well at keeping the action going and establishing conflict early on to snag the reader.
The only part that threw me was when Pura said that the forest was going to die that night, I felt like that scene hit me out of the blue. I would have loved to see more interaction between them when they first met to further flesh out their characters and hint at what their relationship will look like.
I'm fairly good at editing if you ever seen someone for the silly little detail hiccups. I work with StefaniMichelle on here mostly for her story 'Ascension' and she says I'm very respectful and true to her vision. If you ever want another eye, I'm here to help! Because I really love this and think this has SO much potential to be super epic.
GREAT job again, I cannot wait for the next installment!
But I'm starting to think a second pair of hands might be useful... I'll have a look through StefaniMichelle's stuff, and a look back through mine, and get back to you :-)