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Andrew Knight
A good start to what will surely be a very interesting work. It seems raw at this moment, perhaps a bit hurried (and not just the attitude of the speaker). If you were to make revisions, I would suggest giving more attention to characterization. Mannerisms, unique traits, important posessions, that kind of stuff. What sets these two apart from every other pair of dejected runaways? ;)
Alef Magnus
Yup. I wrote it on mobile that I only visit from time to time. And when I was writing it on that platform I was more eager to get the story going. Thank you for this and I really see that it does need more characterization.
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