Feedback: "The bullet got him on the arm.": elborate more on what you did for thr bullet to get there "What do you want? And how in the hell did you escape the Seal? Answer me!" I gripped the gun so tightly, my knuckles turned white. (Change held into gripped and turning into turned) He pinned me on the wall. I thrashed my arms and kicked from his hold, but the demon just tightened his grip on my neck.⬇(Improved: He forcefully pinned me against the wall, causing me to thrash my arms and kick in an attempt to break free, but the relentless demon only tightened its grip around my neck.) "choked it on his ashen soul.": i have no clue what that saying means
His essence tastes like death and smoke. It almost choked my lungs, but I sucked on his soul even still. Hard and eager. Once again, I am enticed. I am lust. I am fear. I am darkness. I am--. my eyes snapped open and felt my irises turn white. (Could be improved)
hi! thank you for your suggestions, it really helped a lot. i also accepted your suggested revisions and if i have enough time i will surely improve some parts as well. i appreciate your effort in helping me work with my story :))!!
"The bullet got him on the arm.": elborate more on what you did for thr bullet to get there
"What do you want? And how in the hell did you escape the Seal? Answer me!" I gripped the gun so tightly, my knuckles turned white. (Change held into gripped and turning into turned)
He pinned me on the wall. I thrashed my arms and kicked from his hold, but the demon just tightened his grip on my neck.⬇(Improved: He forcefully pinned me against the wall, causing me to thrash my arms and kick in an attempt to break free, but the relentless demon only tightened its grip around my neck.)
"choked it on his ashen soul.": i have no clue what that saying means
His essence tastes like death and smoke. It almost choked my lungs, but I sucked on his soul even still. Hard and eager. Once again, I am enticed. I am lust. I am fear. I am darkness. I am--. my eyes snapped open and felt my irises turn white.
(Could be improved)