Not sure exactly what kind of help you want, but I love the action packed start. I am an accomplished writing coach. With horror scenes use more "fear" verbs. The words "was/were" (all forms of "to be") are passive and should only be used to gloss over large blocks of people, places or things.
Examples: My face brushes the mud... His force over powered my will... When your life hangs in the balance, what will you risk? Despite the seeming futility, I still fought like a rabbit in a wolf's jaw.
The same is true of adjectives and nouns. There are lists of horror story words online.
The action slows with commentary, stick to the sequence of events in all their visceral detail. For example: You have your life on the line... This sounds like is a pause to speak to the audience. If the protagonist is also a narrarator, that can work when the timing is right, but not right here. If this is her thought at the moment, indicated that she thought to herself, and make it more frantic.
So, I'm not not the kind of person who will just tell it's awesome. That being said, It's a great story.
This is good back story: "they have never accepted.... "Have" is OK here. It summarizes history.
Examples: My face brushes the mud... His force over powered my will... When your life hangs in the balance, what will you risk? Despite the seeming futility, I still fought like a rabbit in a wolf's jaw.
The same is true of adjectives and nouns. There are lists of horror story words online.
The action slows with commentary, stick to the sequence of events in all their visceral detail. For example: You have your life on the line... This sounds like is a pause to speak to the audience. If the protagonist is also a narrarator, that can work when the timing is right, but not right here. If this is her thought at the moment, indicated that she thought to herself, and make it more frantic.
So, I'm not not the kind of person who will just tell it's awesome. That being said, It's a great story.
This is good back story: "they have never accepted.... "Have" is OK here. It summarizes history.