You are very descriptive when it comes to writing, and that's a good thing! However, you must try to keep your paragraphs easy to digest, and your sentences shorter. Other than that, this is a very good story!
Thank you very much! Detail tends to be easy for me to see and I try to convey that as full as I can. I could have probably read back over it after finishing but I had wanted to get it out, and I was afraid I'd start second guessing myself. -rubs back of head, nervous laugh- I am still learning to not over think >_>