Love this one. Well constructed and to the point. There are many little grammar and syntactical faults, but those in the speech should be OK as they reflect the speakers use of language. However I think you need to work on differentiating the voices, they all sound remarkably similar - could be a single person. I need to be shown three distinct styles of speech and tone to read the characters without constant back-refering to who says what. Although you give them different points of view they don't sound enough different.
Try reading it aloud and thinking of three different people: one who personifies each point of view to you - it could be film stars, politicians, whatever, but it will help to make them varied enough.
Excellent story though.
Try reading it aloud and thinking of three different people: one who personifies each point of view to you - it could be film stars, politicians, whatever, but it will help to make them varied enough.
Excellent story though.