Overall the chapter was good. I'm kinda wondering where Mel is at lunch, but she probably socializes.
There were a couple sentences I felt like could have been worded better. Here's the first: "Because hanging out with me will give you a negative impression of you to them already." I think it would be better if you wrote, "…will give them a negative impression of you already," because the you after give is technically the indirect object, so it means that Jake will have a negative impression of himself? It's just confusing.
The other sentence is, "I might've been pushing him away, but the least I could do to avoid getting him in trouble with them." First of all, the latter half of the second is a fragment. Secondly, Hayley's not doing a very good job of pushing him completely away (though I don't blame her because he's a sweetheart). I'm honestly not sure what you meant with this sentence.
Don't get me wrong; I'm really enjoying this story so far. In fact, I'm getting really nitpicky just trying to find things to help you improve (because there's always room for improvement). So please don't feel bad about what I'm saying. The story is really great. Your characters (while part of familiar tropes) are fleshed out really well, and they react reasonably according to their personalities. Keep up the good work! :)
There were a couple sentences I felt like could have been worded better. Here's the first: "Because hanging out with me will give you a negative impression of you to them already." I think it would be better if you wrote, "…will give them a negative impression of you already," because the you after give is technically the indirect object, so it means that Jake will have a negative impression of himself? It's just confusing.
The other sentence is, "I might've been pushing him away, but the least I could do to avoid getting him in trouble with them." First of all, the latter half of the second is a fragment. Secondly, Hayley's not doing a very good job of pushing him completely away (though I don't blame her because he's a sweetheart). I'm honestly not sure what you meant with this sentence.
Don't get me wrong; I'm really enjoying this story so far. In fact, I'm getting really nitpicky just trying to find things to help you improve (because there's always room for improvement). So please don't feel bad about what I'm saying. The story is really great. Your characters (while part of familiar tropes) are fleshed out really well, and they react reasonably according to their personalities. Keep up the good work! :)