I like your style! I think making your paragraphs shorter and easier to read will make it easier for you to get more readers. It allows them to catch their breath. Keep it up!
jissauchsfnschs omfg thank you so much, i desperately need help on my writing. And I do understand that my paragraphs are like huge, I just like putting so much detail into my writing. But in the future I'll try and fix that, and thanks again