Just some observations and suggestions: Spacing and dialogues issues. After each new person speaks, starts a new line. Also, quotation marks should be at the starting and ending point of sentences. I saw a few issues there. Be more descriptive! After that, you're good! I'm editing your chapter now. I liked it, just, errors quickly turn some people off from stories.
Spacing and dialogues issues. After each new person speaks, starts a new line. Also, quotation marks should be at the starting and ending point of sentences. I saw a few issues there.
Be more descriptive!
After that, you're good! I'm editing your chapter now.
I liked it, just, errors quickly turn some people off from stories.