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This is an interesting concept and has great potential. Just a few structure tips to help things flow better: You start out in a present tense then switch to a past tense in the chapter, and it can be a bit disorienting so it's best to stick with one or the other unless a flash back or such requires a tense change. You also don't need a space between a word and a comma or ". For example, it reads better to say: "Hello, my name is Moon." instead of " Hello , my name is Moon." Just minor things, not a huge deal, but story structure can affect the flow of reading. The better the flow, the better the immersement of the read and the better chance you have of maintaining a reader's attention. But I do love the concept and think this is a great start to a story. ^_^
6 years agoReply
Isabelle Galea
@Fantasy Ocean, Yes it has in the upper section there are 4 icons , the first one is for personal message. And that's okay i'm self taught at well , just I'm studying English at school so
6 years agoReply
@Isabelle Galea, Hey, no problem ^_^ I'm very new to the site and admittedly mostly self taught in writing, but I have taken classes in creative writing and have a few years experience with story writing. Totally not meant as a brag, but I'd be happy to help you Beta a few chapters if you like? Just be a final proofreader. Also kind of looking to make a few friends, so maybe we can chat sometime? Does this site have a private messaging system?
6 years agoReply
Isabelle Galea
Thank you so much :) I'm trying to get better with time. Thanks for the tips and also thank you for your time reading this.
6 years agoReply
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