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jamber86
So... small critique. Choosing Daniel Radcliff as his name immediately put me in Harry Potter mode. I don't know if that's the sort of characterization you were going for but it was a bit distracting for me. Otherwise this continues to have a lot of potential as a character study. The plot arch seems sharp and while I can see the general direction, I'm not reading the plot. Where you lack is the tone, which is one of the hardest things to do in my opinion. While the story flows and is easy to read there's nothing in the style that immerses me in the world. I really wouldn't know exactly how to improve on it, like I said tone is one of the hardest things to do, and I'm not particularly good at it myself. Still love this story though.
8 年前回覆
Polydragons
lol, I wondered where the name sounded familiar. I think I'm going to change that. I'm actually noticing the tone issue myself. In my fanfiction it's something that I don't think I've ever lacked, but this is an original. Maybe it's that the world hasn't really developed a voice for me yet, and thus I'm not giving it to the reader. I'm going to have a friend look it over who knows my style better. I'm sure she can give me some direction. Thanks for the input, and I hope you continue to enjoy.
8 年前回覆
jamber86
@Polydragons, just had a thought.... perhaps an Ender's Game - esque tone is what this needs. Also a character study, also kids, different setting but has that sharp military style.
8 年前回覆
Polydragons
@jamber86, I got curious so read the first chapter of Our Recursive Romance. I'm impressed, to put it mildly. (And definitely reading the rest of it later) It reminded me that I could throw more detail into the setting and have it enhance the story instead of bogging it down. That would explain two things: why my chapters are half the length of what I'm used too, and why they seemed a bit flat at points. I think I'm going to rework the first chapter and let go of those restraints. We'll see what I come up with.
8 年前回覆
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