Odarra closed her book twice at the beginning of the chapter, might be worth looking at and deciding which one suits the mood better. Perhaps instead of snapping her book shut, she slams it down onto a table for a similar affect? Also something about the "Only, little did she know" sentence is clunkily worded. Perhaps leave off the only?
Apart is one word in this instance. "I hope they did too" should be past tense like the others, with 'I hoped'. "First unfriendly individual I *could* find".
I'll admit I have trouble remembering Khaeso, so his death doesn't hit me perhaps the way it hit Marius. Maybe have him engage in a conversation with the others before his death? Perhaps include him in the previous chapters dragon joke, make it hurt more to see him fall.
I will definitely get to making those changes and yeah I agree. I was thinking about that when i got to about chapter 30 and on, give or take, and i gave marius a chance to mourne, but i was thinking that when i do the heavy revising that i was gonna give Khaeso a bigger presence in these first handfull of chapters so his death feels a little more impactful
Apart is one word in this instance. "I hope they did too" should be past tense like the others, with 'I hoped'. "First unfriendly individual I *could* find".
I'll admit I have trouble remembering Khaeso, so his death doesn't hit me perhaps the way it hit Marius. Maybe have him engage in a conversation with the others before his death? Perhaps include him in the previous chapters dragon joke, make it hurt more to see him fall.