First off, it's all in bold. May wanna fix that. ;)
That said, dark, dark, chapter... I love how continually Mr. Smith manages to put me off my guard: was not expecting the twist there at the end.
That said, don't be afraid to describe more! That evening, what did Mr. Smith say? Did he say it like he was lying (IE, the girls wouldn't come back at all), like he was using it as a threat (those few days will be horrid), or just as a simple, obvious, statement of fact?
Also, try to foreshadow a little bit. For example, there have been several times of characters standing up and complaining: it maybe better to say that they're thinking about it a few chapters before. For example, have the cheerleader reveal she was paying attention in Government I and say, "This is violating our freedoms... this isn't just!" or something like that. Then let it sit for a bit... and bring it back up a chapter or two later.
The exact same awesome story, exact same twists: but because of the placement, and the fact that the audience thinks it "should have seen it coming" makes the impact even better. Hope this helps! Still following avidly.
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That said, dark, dark, chapter... I love how continually Mr. Smith manages to put me off my guard: was not expecting the twist there at the end.
That said, don't be afraid to describe more! That evening, what did Mr. Smith say? Did he say it like he was lying (IE, the girls wouldn't come back at all), like he was using it as a threat (those few days will be horrid), or just as a simple, obvious, statement of fact?
Also, try to foreshadow a little bit. For example, there have been several times of characters standing up and complaining: it maybe better to say that they're thinking about it a few chapters before. For example, have the cheerleader reveal she was paying attention in Government I and say, "This is violating our freedoms... this isn't just!" or something like that. Then let it sit for a bit... and bring it back up a chapter or two later.
The exact same awesome story, exact same twists: but because of the placement, and the fact that the audience thinks it "should have seen it coming" makes the impact even better. Hope this helps! Still following avidly.