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叔叔怎麼覺得排序可以改一下@.@
不過叔叔是覺得這樣的層次強很多，從肉體到精神比較統一@.@
這種很整齊的寫法，令我想到某些英文的格律詩，當然，後者更重視音步和韻腳。
例如下面這首 Emily Brontë 的〈致想像〉(韻腳為 ABABCC)：
simple-poetry.com/poems/to-imagination-33476436024 (原詩)
episode.cc/read/understood.me8/my.241130.153049/171 (我的譯詩)
妳詩最後那三字「雛鳥蛋」挺可愛。