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Comments - 舍我復誰 壹 : 黑金之龍 | Penana
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Comments - 舍我復誰 壹 : 黑金之龍
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原子能
揭露主角黑歷史了！原來「黑金」之名是這麼來的，難怪他對小女孩有特殊的感情，這是在贖罪啊！人物一下子立體起來了。
8 months agoReply
原子能

【柔情地的說道】多字=>柔情地說道
【惡夢的家族】建議=>噩夢的家族(驚嚇、不祥感較重)
【面對上一個陌生的男人】建議 =>-> 面對一個陌生的男人 (多了"上"讀起來不太順，可能會誤解之前還有另一位"上一個")
【濺落在牆壁血液】建議=>濺落在牆壁上"的"血液 (這樣語意比較完整) 
8 months agoReply
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