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Comments - 天人機甲傳說 | Penana
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萬年老木桌
一個小小的建議：
如果想要更進一步凸顯雅典娜的主炮的貫穿力有多麼可怕，可以巧妙的利用「沉默」，透過短暫的沉默然後分段來彰顯字段在讀者想像中的張力。
比如貫穿敵艦的瞬間，留下了怵目驚心的傷口，外翻的鋼鐵、被燒得火紅的窟窿，在所有人都不知道結果如何的時候，忽然爆炸了。
因為這是初戰，敵我雙方其實都不知道雅典娜的真正實力，所以沉默的不僅僅是敵方也有我方，那會是一種恐懼與敬畏。
當將士們擺脫了這種不確定性，才會因為自己被幸運女神眷顧而爆發出歡呼。
用這種狡猾的方式，這一炮不僅貫穿敵艦，也貫穿了讀者的想像。
2 hours agoReply
CF LAM
感謝老木桌的分享。提供了另一個書寫的方向。

我書寫時未有考慮這個方向，反而是考慮一氣呵成的節奏，當時局面乃一對多，我就想雅典娜號應該是很忙碌的😅
1 hour agoReply
萬年老木桌
@CF LAM,那確實，不過雅典娜號如何忙碌你寫得很足，不會因為這一點點細節敘述就讓人感覺不忙碌就是。🤔
可以再琢磨琢磨～
1 hour agoReply
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