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Write down what you like about the story
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But, a common thing, which, personally, I don't like is that things are going by fast. Too fast. And I'm assuming that Milly is Amillyana. And in one of the chapter, I don't know if it was on purpose but you wrote Dave, and I think you meant David. I can't say forsure since I'm not the author. Another thing, how did they get each other's phone numbers? Another thing, I personally don't like, is when the characters suddenly change in emotion, like I understand what you're doing but in real life conversation wouldn't go like that. Idk. I like it other than a few things like that.
Sorry. idk. But yeah. idk. I'm not the best writer. But, I've read a variety of works to compare and contrast.
I wrote the story like this because I personally hate books/stories that have a slow start. I like stories that start with drama and end with it. You on the other hand may not, which is perfectly fine.
I am gratefully taking your suggestions into consideration and I thank you for taking time out of your day to criticize a new writer.
I hope that you will continue to read what I am continuing to write because you never know what will happen.
P.S. The genres of the story even say Romance and Drama sooo...