Very complex sentence: "I had not prepared myself... (instead knew how to give me) is a run-on phrase and awkward in this context. Please consider rewording. I'm not sure how to fix it.
"For
the umpteenth time I had to contradict myself, for resigned to facing death. For
the umpteenth time I had to contradict myself, for resigned to facing death. I wasn't
prepared to face the joy that those bright green eyes staring at me, confused
and frightened, knew how to give me, set in that face now relaxed and fragile
again." Better?
"For
the umpteenth time I had to contradict myself, for resigned to facing death. For
the umpteenth time I had to contradict myself, for resigned to facing death. I wasn't
prepared to face the joy that those bright green eyes staring at me, confused
and frightened, knew how to give me, set in that face now relaxed and fragile
again." Better?