One thing I loved about this is...well I don't want to say lack of detail, but I like how didn't use too MUCH detail. That actually happens to be one of my biggest flaws when it comes to writing. I write epic descriptions, but I never quite know how to make the story progress.
Another thing is that this story once again reminds me of the knowledge humans have an insufficiency of. The man thinks he is doing one tiny act of rebellion, making a small step to peace, be unbeknownst to him he is actually helping take the lives of two small children who simply wish for better lives outside the hell where they dwelled.
Thanks! I definitely agree it's a fine line to walk; I get stuck alternating between too much and too little descriptions too. I'm glad you thought this had the right balance! :)
Also yeah, that's one thing I've always struggled with; the idea that acting as one feels is right in the moment often ends up contrary to what actually IS the right thing to do. We all want peace, but the grand irony is peace is something you have to fight for.
@The Yobanashi Girouette, I agree 100%. I once had a friend tell me, "We need to stop spending money on the military and give it to the homeless people. Then we use the rest to give everybody free healthcare."
@Friday_, This. This right here is a classic example. It "Feels right" in the moment, but if you dig even a centimetre deeper, you realize her idea is beyond terrible; it's actually damaging.
I loved this. As much as I was rooting for the children to make it, I could only assume this was not going to end well. I wasnt expecting a 2 for 2 based off the earlier sabotage but then for it not to be the sniper's rifle?
Truly unfortunate.
From a grammatical standpoint, your flow was relatively smooth. Some sentences were clipped but I think they may have been for stylistic purposes. I did note that one of your words should have been an adverb as well but, other than that, everything was pretty good.
Thanks so much for reading! I appreciate the review and feedback ^^
I just checked, and it doesn't seem like this contest allows for suggested edits, but if you do see anything that needs fixing, don't hesitate to comment/message me. I'll give it another once-over to try and find that missing adverb, though.
I'm sorry. That pun was absolutely horrible.
It's okay, my family has one of the darkest senses of humour around. :P
Also having a family like that sounds awesome lmao
Also yes, it's pretty great. There's a sort of liberty about being able to joke about dark, serious stuff with your fam.
My poor mom still looks worried when we all joke about each other's funerals though XD
One thing I loved about this is...well I don't want to say lack of detail, but I like how didn't use too MUCH detail. That actually happens to be one of my biggest flaws when it comes to writing. I write epic descriptions, but I never quite know how to make the story progress.
Another thing is that this story once again reminds me of the knowledge humans have an insufficiency of. The man thinks he is doing one tiny act of rebellion, making a small step to peace, be unbeknownst to him he is actually helping take the lives of two small children who simply wish for better lives outside the hell where they dwelled.
Also yeah, that's one thing I've always struggled with; the idea that acting as one feels is right in the moment often ends up contrary to what actually IS the right thing to do. We all want peace, but the grand irony is peace is something you have to fight for.
...
Her ignorance blew my mind.
"The problem with closed minded people is that their mouth is always open."
-Anonymous
I loved this. As much as I was rooting for the children to make it, I could only assume this was not going to end well. I wasnt expecting a 2 for 2 based off the earlier sabotage but then for it not to be the sniper's rifle?
Truly unfortunate.
From a grammatical standpoint, your flow was relatively smooth. Some sentences were clipped but I think they may have been for stylistic purposes. I did note that one of your words should have been an adverb as well but, other than that, everything was pretty good.
Well done.
v/r
Tenshi
I just checked, and it doesn't seem like this contest allows for suggested edits, but if you do see anything that needs fixing, don't hesitate to comment/message me. I'll give it another once-over to try and find that missing adverb, though.