Comments - Christmas in a Cabin

The story will begin to unfold.

9 years agoReply

Shia lebouf

Oh deer? Damn right!

10 years agoReply

Bookyness

I'm loving this chapter! And I've noticed a lot less errors in this one too - good job!
So, here I am now with my feedback...

paragraph 3 - "tense" in place of "tensed"
Also, a comma would work better in place of the semi-colon, as it is not a full sentence.

Paragraph beginning "he noticed a hot spring": Read through the second sentence - it needs a little tweaking.

Paragraph beginning "James had always been..": "Commodity he indulged on" would work better with the "on" changed to "in"

Following paragraph: word missing in "he nothing of it"

Paragraph beginning "James decided...": perhaps replace the second "decided" with a synonym.

P. beginning: "To James' horror": used "wide open" twice - perhaps think of a different way to say this

General notes:
-Ensure not to use commas in place of semi-colons and vice versa
-Don't use "it's" when "it" is possessive - i.e. Not a contraction of "it is"
-james seems to get up a little fast after being rendered unconscious! Perhaps have him stagger around a bit first!

Positive notes:
-My favourite quote is "Oceans away from the land of pleasantry" ... Beautiful!
-Very gripping
-Certainly makes me sympathise with James - poor guy!

10 years agoReply

Thank you so much for your feedback! I'll go back and edit this chapter. Glad you liked it. Please do leave a like

10 years agoReply

shnuffeluv

Wow...this is already tense.

10 years agoReply

Thank you! Just wait till chapter 3! 😂. Make sure to leave a like if you enjoyed it.

10 years agoReply

Urgh! Glad this doesn't have any pictures...
Still, interesting. And violent. And interesting.

10 years agoReply

Make sure to leave a like too

10 years agoReply

Yes. And this is the beginning if the end. You can expect to get darker and darker as the chapters roll by. Some serious stuff is about to go down. Be hyped for the next chapter which should be up next week.

10 years agoReply

@SkyGuy_SoFly, have you changed your name?

10 years agoReply

@Jess Rufus,Yes I have. Thanks for noticing.

10 years agoReply

@Jess Rufus,😁

10 years agoReply

@SkyGuy_SoFly, and your picture?
I like the picture.

10 years agoReply

@Jess Rufus,Thanks. That's me. Anyway. Have you left a like yet?

10 years agoReply

@SkyGuy_SoFly, yep.

10 years agoReply

@Jess Rufus,Awesome. Thank you for the support. I'm halfway done with chapter three added speak.

10 years agoReply

@SkyGuy_SoFly,ok!got it!:)

10 years agoReply

@SkyGuy_SoFly,I like it!I like flying too!This is a cool name!

10 years agoReply

@once upon a star,Haha. What'd you think. And fly as in like cool too. 😂

10 years agoReply

@SkyGuy_SoFly, *grins* ^^

10 years agoReply

@once upon a star, So what'd you think of issue 2?

10 years agoReply

@SkyGuy_SoFly, I think the story makes me want to read on because of the suspense, which is cool! I also spotted some special formatting:

- lower case for some words
- full stops instead of commas for conversations
- one letter width of extra spacing

The deer theme is strong in the story too! Including the title :)

10 years agoReply

@once upon a star,Well look forward to the next chapter very soon. Leave a like if you enjoyed. 😁

10 years agoReply

@SkyGuy_SoFly, ok! ^^

10 years agoReply

@once upon a star, Did you leave a like?

10 years agoReply