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Great read so far. I like the different personalities that you've given everyone, including the pompous older brother. In places where there are questions being asked, you should put in the punctuation of ?, despite the fact that we already know that the word asked is already there. Keep up the good work! Also if you need a beta editor, I can definitely help you out!
fict34
That would be great. As you've noticed, punctuation is not my string point and I'm glad you liked it
I like it :D
fict34
I'm glad you liked it!
once upon a star
When Prince Altan greeted Liwa with his small but courageous voice, I felt my heart beat with him in the nervousness and strength, it is a cute and touching scene, I liked it!
fict34
Thanks so much and Liwa means general. Did I get that across?
once upon a star
I didn't realize! I thought Liwa was his first name..thank you for letting me know!
fict34
@once upon a star,No problem. I now know to make that more clear when I edit
once upon a star
ok! Thank you!
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