Comments - Heart of the Dragon: Origins (Nanowrimo 2017)

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CJ Gem

I love the chapter but the jump was so sudden it was hard to immediately tell what was happening. Since in the last scene of the prologue we were in a castle in the north, cabin made me think of a building. Putting a direct mention of being on a ship in the first few lines might help with the clarity.

The fact that the people gasped not at their ruler groping a woman, but did at her shoving him away, makes me wonder if thats the standard in this land, or if the people are simply accustomed to his terribleness. Intrigued to read more and see which it is!

8 years agoReply

RavenDuchess

Oh yeah I definitely see what you mean. We dont see Nautilus much in this version, but once im combing througg and rewriting I plan to add in a lot more scenes in Alderas (and with Nautilus) before they scamper off onto their adventure.

8 years agoReply

CJ Gem

Good to hear! And I did catch up as I kept reading, so it's not a super drastic shift.

8 years agoReply