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Comments - 春、夏、秋。 | Penana
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Comments - 春、夏、秋。
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小邁
這章文風我好喜歡喔。
用作懲罰的拉馬尾，媲美美少女的競爭力，勝過紛飛雨點和花粉的存在感……好可愛的文字。特別是存在感那句，我在腦裡幻想了一下，畫面好美（不是說視覺上的美，雖然也有，是那種紛亂中有個人靜靜落在我眼裡的反差感）
不過有些段落感覺過渡生硬了點，對話好像幾乎沒有？一來一往填充一下，再加上點說話時語氣和表情的形容，應該可以調整一下節奏吧。我是這麼覺得，也可能是其他原因，我暫時說不出來。
4 months agoReply
Leafutre
為了縮短篇幅，我幾乎沒有在場地轉折處添筆，讀起來果然會有問題呢。在作者心中這些人物是隨著作者所念去移動的，但在讀者眼中，獲得的資訊卻只有作者所給予的。不能止於腦中自嗨，而是要創造與讀者溝通的橋樑，雖然是老生常談，但把握節奏真的很難呢。
4 months agoReply
小邁
@Leafutre ,我懂我懂😩作者才是真正的上帝視角。
4 months agoReply
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