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JokerOfClover
That escalated rather quickly.
Andrew Knight
Doesn't it always? You tickled my dark sense of humor with that comment
Alef Magnus
Interesting development rather quicker than I expected. I'm seeing now though how it may be different than other dystopian stories.
madwoman-with-a-pen
I really like the way you write! I couldn't find any major grammatical mistakes and everything was very fluid. Plot-wise, I do think it was a little cliche and like most other dystopias I've read. However, it'll be interesting to read a situation with the main characters cast out from the beginning. I'm not liking Nat very much, but hopefully she'll develop as the story progresses. Great job :)
Andrew Knight
Thanks for the honest review! I'll be honset here, when I started this project I was thinking "Hunger Games, but better"; hence, the clichéd beginning. I think enough of you have poimted that out that I'll have to go change that up a little. What clichés stood out the most?
madwoman-with-a-pen
@Andrew Knight, I think the most significant cliche was the whole concept of the rebellion and the uprising-- which, to be frank, is a difficult thing to modify in a dystopian novel, as it is essentially the foundation. I would suggest trying to change buildup, or maybe the execution of the rebellion. For example, instead of loud, public rallies that are often found in contemporary dystopias, recruitment for the cause could be more discreet? Hopefully this helps.
Andrew Knight
Ah, I suggest you read on... it all has a purpose so far. I hope youre enjoying it, I'm reading back through for errors and I can say I'm actually quite satisfied with this one
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