Hello! I absolutely adore where this story is going so far, and I am liking the characters/the story!
However, for critiques, I do find that sometimes your descriptions are a little to long and drawn out.
For instance, you tend to fill the paragraphs with very long sentences and very flowery language, which can be good! But I do find it makes the descriptions, particularly of what the character is feeling, a little dull and drawn out.
Also, I do believe that you tend to tell, not show, particularly for what this character is feeling.
For instance, multiple times, you tell us how rebellious your M.C is, or tell us when she's feeling defeated, or when she feels separate from her parents.
Yet, all this information, in my opinion, would be better shown not told, to make us feel more in tune with the character.
For example:
This character's rebellious nature could be shown by showing us the thrill she gets each time she does something against her parent's wishes. You do this here, and it's very good, but again, I feel like you tell too much about this feeling, instead of letting it show naturally.
I hope this helps!! Great work with the writing! :D
However, for critiques, I do find that sometimes your descriptions are a little to long and drawn out.
For instance, you tend to fill the paragraphs with very long sentences and very flowery language, which can be good! But I do find it makes the descriptions, particularly of what the character is feeling, a little dull and drawn out.
Also, I do believe that you tend to tell, not show, particularly for what this character is feeling.
For instance, multiple times, you tell us how rebellious your M.C is, or tell us when she's feeling defeated, or when she feels separate from her parents.
Yet, all this information, in my opinion, would be better shown not told, to make us feel more in tune with the character.
For example:
This character's rebellious nature could be shown by showing us the thrill she gets each time she does something against her parent's wishes.
You do this here, and it's very good, but again, I feel like you tell too much about this feeling, instead of letting it show naturally.
I hope this helps!! Great work with the writing! :D