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timothyscifi
Somethings to keep in mind for your intro. For starters just look to yourself. What drive you, what allows you to get up day after day? Is it wealth? power? family? Curiosity about the world around you? Why is he on this journey? Did he used live here? Is he in the city to make money? to get revenge? What was is past like and how does directly effect his current future? is he trying to start a revolution? Is he on the run? Your story remind me of Aladdin for some reason, so going with that. Aladdin is a man who grew up in poverty with a rather uncaring self-important government that is unconcerned about its people.He force to adapt and find a way to survive, but never looses his sense of adventure which partially drives the beginning act into middle act. Why is your character not settle down in a house or in hiding? Why does he insist on traveling? It take like two lines of in the story to explain most of this. which also help us connect with this person. If I was the main character, I wouldn't be brazenly walking around knowing I had a gift many rejected if not out right feared. I wouldn't want to be shunned by society. Yet your character seems on a quest of discovery which is something you could address.
10 年前回覆

Catapk
I've spent the past few hours going through my notes and working on ideas to give a bit more background. Your comments have helped me make a check list to help me plan it out and how to introduce new information. Thank you.
10 年前回覆

timothyscifi
@Catapk,no problem, your story is fantastic and I would love to see it become even better.
10 年前回覆

timothyscifi
First the postitives: you already set several traits for main character, he is observant, quick witted, and very arrogant. During the battle with police he was endanger yet he completely calm to point he sees them as a joke. A trait that easily could become a character flaw. Well visuall describe character. Already a amusing world. Negative: the readers have very little understanding of main character's motivation or goals. It's like walking in halfway through a movie. Overall fantastic job but this should be chapter 2 instead of one.
10 年前回覆

Catapk
Thanks for the comments. I really appreciate it. I may introduce a prologue to help explain more of the details of the world and the background of Storm.
10 年前回覆
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