I love that the stakes are so high from the beginning, the vivid description of the world and a character's emotions with it are everything. Maybe even a flashback of her birth somewhere in there would just heighten to intensity. Then again I'm not professional so I wouldn't know.. Also I'm confused did Nolas die or not because I'm reading the next chapter and it seems like he's alive but it also said his body was lifeless.
I actually like the additional of showing more about Saria's past and the relationship with her brother. I think you're right, it would heighten the intensity more? His life is pending, it becomes clear later on though :)