Your narrative is lovely! The voice is unique and distinctly amusing and it was a good read and an even better concept, especially the part about coca-cola and the typo - lovely touches of authenticity. However, I think the text could do with a bit of brushing up for generic grammar stuff, and the ending is a little anticlimactic for a story as wonderful as this. All in all, a worthwhile read :)
Indeed i should spend more time on my grammar. And the story was intended to go on in a later issue, but i never got around to write more of it. Perhaps i should. Thank you for your feedback. :)