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Comments - 戰鬥場面 | Penana
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Comments - 戰鬥場面
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七日夏
用來當作連結的詞出現的太過繁瑣反而會破壞結構喔，像是"並"、"而"、"然後"之類的，太多只會適得其反。

還有，場景描述是足了，但是關於關鍵的主角，也就是裡面的"我"卻毫不清楚，我幾乎是看到後半才知道原來"我"就是場上的人，一點也不誇張。

其實我是個很挑文的人，如果冒犯了的話非常對不起。
9 years agoReply
奈兔工造
感謝提醒，這些我都沒注意到>w<

9 years agoReply
七日夏
@空白人生.  如果有幫到你就是我的榮幸^^
9 years agoReply
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