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Comments - ☆故事訓練：不平等的交換★提升自己就在這裡☆ | Penana
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Comments - ☆故事訓練：不平等的交換★提升自己就在這裡☆
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阿蔥
標點符號需要注意一下，要不然很容易讓讀者讀到斷氣（（幸好我的肺活量還算大……

有一個詭異之處，就是陳家勾結秦國，秦家的某個人是開國功臣……請問一下，秦國和秦家是否有關係？

還有，就如師傅所說“交換”很不明顯。
7 years agoReply
師傅
故事沒什麼問題，只是「交換」的意味比較含糊難辨，希望作者能幫我理清一下思路😊。欲帶皇冠，必承其重。自古成大事者就該有無情的時刻，這是不得不為之。當然能行溫和措施便行溫和罷，就如宋趙匡胤的「杯酒釋兵權」。另外稍微提及一下作者注意一下斷句，應該下標點符號時就該下。文章太多的長句乃是應該要正確下點號而你不為之的。例如「不知皇上可還……滅門之仇？」裡頭有些地方需要停頓，下點號的。其他相若部分如是。請作者再接再勵，共勉之（笑）。
7 years agoReply
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