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Comments - 冰雪之夢 | Penana
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蒼藍
我不知道該說什麼，因為要說的實在太多了。
首先是描寫的部分，舌吻的那一段可以再詳加描述，譬如冰羽的反應和交纏的情形;人物容貌的描述也待改進，他的臉蛋有稜有角還是圓潤？眼睛是鳳眼還是桃花眼？畢竟就俊美來說的話，這樣的容貌有很多。
還有記得要分段，可以多看點書，那可以幫助你。
9 years agoReply
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