Huh? What about that was related to the contests details? Flawed main character. Where are they? Also why is there a 16 and a half foot robot? That's fucking massive. Like unable to fit through door frames massive, Their stomach would be higher than the roof.
The robot, Flare, is the main character of a series I'm writing (The Eclipse Project). Most of this story's characters are huge robots. The doors in the building are a minimum of 20 feet. I wanted to show how he has changed over the years. Looks like he could kill, would kill to looks like cinnamon roll, might mame you. Going from unfealing war bot that doesn't work well with humans and disregards their safty to that slacker coworker that will laugh at your struggling, will bite your head off if you rub him the wrong way, but does most of the work behind the scenes and is a bit of a jerk. Some improvement, but still a work in progress. I wasn't able to properly show his flawed personality. Or him in general.
I was also running out of time (12 hours) an' wanted to get something in, I wasn't able to write nearly as much as I wanted to otherwise the story would fit the prompt better. Hope this makes sense, and I will be writing more about him soon.
(This is ment to be a world/timeline similar to FNAF Security Breach. Think of the Mega Pizza Plex, but several times larger.)
@Aserilla1, So you used my contest to advertise your FNAF clone? Ok. Not all that much of a complex character. Certainly isn't flawed just. Bad guy turn good. Not impressed. Also I don't know what FNAF stuff you're referencing I don't like those silly games.
@Bengolong, Not really advertising. I like to use contests for ideas and inspiration. And I don't think my writing is that good so I need all the practice I can get. I've mostly been writing about Winter Lilies (started those in the make a monster contest) lately and wanted to write something different this time. Clearly that failed. And there is more depth to Flare's character, I just haven't written much for him yet. Thought this would be a good prompt to show that, but clearly didn't do too well. He's not supposed to be the bad guy, more like learning to rely on others and not be so overly guarded. He didn't want to get attached to anyone because if that person died it would effect how well he could preform his duties. Realized too little too late that way of thinking's a problem, but old habits die hard.
The only other thing I wrote for Flare & Hunter Jones was this: https://penana.com/story/94969/write-a-story-where-the-main-character-dies/issue/4
I have a lot planned for him. But I'm starting to think the Lilies would've been better for this prompt, IDK. I've developed the Lilies far more, particularly in Norway Huntress. Might be better to go back to the Lilies for a while.
@Aserilla1, This is going to be hard to hear but it needs to be heard. Your Flare character lacks depth and what makes a character good and complex. And the size you made him is near comical. I don't believe that a being of such size was deployed to fight in wars. I mean he would physically be unable to co exist with people operating their normal sized machinery. Let me give you some context. The tallest man to ever live was called Robert Wadlow. He grew taller than his dad by aged 8. He wanted to be a lawyer but was simply refused due to his size. There were no typewriters big enough for him to push with his gigantic hands. His feet were also massive. To a point where he was incapable of walking up any stairs because they didn't fit on the step. He had to walk up them with his feet sideways in a sort of crabwalk. Doctors advised that he use a wheelchair but he refused. Instead opting to use leg braces to hold his giant body upright. And he had been walking for so long one day that his legs went numb. And he didn't notice that his leg brace was rubbing against his leg. This gave him a blister that got infected. At the hospital they tried put him on blood bags but he was so long that the blood couldn't flow through his body in time. He died. Now he was measured at the time of his death. He was 8 feet 11 inches. The character you have made is almost twice that size and is co existing with soldiers, seemingly easily navigating buildings, and is allowed to be near children. I truly don't think you understand how tall 16 and a half feet is. 16 feet is a 2 story house and then some. I'm not asking you to scrap the character but please redesign him. Because his size is impossible for his environment.
@Aserilla1, So let me get this straight. For war. 6ft. He has to kill trained people with guns and grenades and all sorts. But entitled customers? HOLY SHIT WE GOTTA UPLOAD HIM TO THE MEGA MECH HOLY SHIT THIS KAREN IS TOO MUCH FOR THE 6ft MACHINE MADE OF PURE METAL. I mean I'm pretty sure a bipedal robot made of metal that's 16ft would just collapse under its own weight.
@Bengolong, There's something you missed. During his time as a soldier he's referred to as an Android, but now he's referred to as an Animatronic. He used to be smaller, this is his second body. His Android body was 6 ft 8 in (203.2 cm) his. Animatronic body is exactly 16 ft 7.5 in (506.7 cm) an' yes I know how freakishly tall that is. Compared to Solaire (9 ft 5.5 in (288.3 cm))& Selene (8 ft 10 in (269.2)), the daycare attendants. But he doesn't interact with customers that often, he's usually cooped up in the security office. And he normally patrols with Selene after hours. Flare only interacts with customers if the security team's short staffed, there's a special event, customers become violent towards staff or in an emergency (attempted kidnapping, breakins, an unstable relative/parent trying to take a child due to loss of custody/restraining order/divorce or taking children/staff hostage). Or if a Karen wants to see a manager he's forced to deal with entitled parents. An like I said he's a work in progress. Plus this is a world of vengeful spirits, undead, organs made of ghost goo and Sentient bots. It doesn't always make sense.
I'm working on Flare's character sheet, and there are some things about him I don't wanna say cause it gives away the plot, character development, etc. So, yeah. He sounds pretty 2 dimensional now, but not for long.
@Bengolong, He was assigned here to learn to properly interact with civilians, control his temper, not be a rude ass & bite his tongue. The ultimate test of patients & keeping composer is entitled parents and their bratty little crotch goblins. Even though he's been highly disciplined he has a habit of talking back, starting arguments an' speaks his mind too often, regardless of how harsh or stupid he sounds. He likes to get on the nerves of his superiors for entertainment. His old, Android, weight was 183-198 Lbs. His current, animatronic, weight is 382.5 Lbs. Much of what he's made from is a light, extremely durable alloy (fictional, Spectite). As well as an alternate form of remnant, resulting in organs & flesh made of ghost goo. Other then that there's a lot of silicone, some rubber, etc.Also he can switch between bipedal movement an' quadrupedal move ment. His frame is more akin to Sun, Moon & the Puppet. He's deceptively lanky & kinda spindly. He doesn't have the bulk a lot of the others have.
Side notes: His long tail helps greatly with his balance, like a cheetah while also being prehensile. He has 4 arms & is the most flexible of all the bots there.
The doors in the building are a minimum of 20 feet.
I wanted to show how he has changed over the years. Looks like he could kill, would kill to looks like cinnamon roll, might mame you. Going from unfealing war bot that doesn't work well with humans and disregards their safty to that slacker coworker that will laugh at your struggling, will bite your head off if you rub him the wrong way, but does most of the work behind the scenes and is a bit of a jerk.
Some improvement, but still a work in progress.
I wasn't able to properly show his flawed personality. Or him in general.
I was also running out of time (12 hours) an' wanted to get something in, I wasn't able to write nearly as much as I wanted to otherwise the story would fit the prompt better.
Hope this makes sense, and I will be writing more about him soon.
(This is ment to be a world/timeline similar to FNAF Security Breach. Think of the Mega Pizza Plex, but several times larger.)
I've mostly been writing about Winter Lilies (started those in the make a monster contest) lately and wanted to write something different this time. Clearly that failed.
And there is more depth to Flare's character, I just haven't written much for him yet. Thought this would be a good prompt to show that, but clearly didn't do too well.
He's not supposed to be the bad guy, more like learning to rely on others and not be so overly guarded. He didn't want to get attached to anyone because if that person died it would effect how well he could preform his duties. Realized too little too late that way of thinking's a problem, but old habits die hard.
The only other thing I wrote for Flare & Hunter Jones was this: https://penana.com/story/94969/write-a-story-where-the-main-character-dies/issue/4
I have a lot planned for him. But I'm starting to think the Lilies would've been better for this prompt, IDK. I've developed the Lilies far more, particularly in Norway Huntress. Might be better to go back to the Lilies for a while.
His Android body was 6 ft 8 in (203.2 cm) his. Animatronic body is exactly 16 ft 7.5 in (506.7 cm) an' yes I know how freakishly tall that is.
Compared to Solaire (9 ft 5.5 in (288.3 cm))& Selene (8 ft 10 in (269.2)), the daycare attendants.
But he doesn't interact with customers that often, he's usually cooped up in the security office. And he normally patrols with Selene after hours.
Flare only interacts with customers if the security team's short staffed, there's a special event, customers become violent towards staff or in an emergency (attempted kidnapping, breakins, an unstable relative/parent trying to take a child due to loss of custody/restraining order/divorce or taking children/staff hostage). Or if a Karen wants to see a manager he's forced to deal with entitled parents.
An like I said he's a work in progress.
Plus this is a world of vengeful spirits, undead, organs made of ghost goo and Sentient bots. It doesn't always make sense.
I'm working on Flare's character sheet, and there are some things about him I don't wanna say cause it gives away the plot, character development, etc. So, yeah. He sounds pretty 2 dimensional now, but not for long.
Even though he's been highly disciplined he has a habit of talking back, starting arguments an' speaks his mind too often, regardless of how harsh or stupid he sounds. He likes to get on the nerves of his superiors for entertainment.
His old, Android, weight was 183-198 Lbs. His current, animatronic, weight is 382.5 Lbs. Much of what he's made from is a light, extremely durable alloy (fictional, Spectite). As well as an alternate form of remnant, resulting in organs & flesh made of ghost goo. Other then that there's a lot of silicone, some rubber, etc.Also he can switch between bipedal movement an' quadrupedal move ment.
His frame is more akin to Sun, Moon & the Puppet. He's deceptively lanky & kinda spindly. He doesn't have the bulk a lot of the others have.
Side notes:
His long tail helps greatly with his balance, like a cheetah while also being prehensile.
He has 4 arms & is the most flexible of all the bots there.