Hello amazing author!!! Your book really inspires me would love to create a custom cover art that embodies your style and create 2D line art animation, manga style comics book and and i can promote you to get more follower and reader and more. If you're interested, please let me know, and I'd be delighted to share some of my work. here is my discord @reyah1120 and Instagram @alaxe5263 you can message there

Hello, loved this alot ,pleased to see more

Hey writer~I just  read your story, it was an incredible experience. While reading your story, I found one scene especially compelling; it really stuck with me and prompted me to reach out. I'd love to hear what inspired that moment, if you're open to sharing. Let's connect on Discord or any other platform where we can chat easily.

Hello Gret author!Your creativity is truly inspiring—congratulations on your amazing book!
I’m a professional in book promotion, and I’d love to help your story shine with:✨ Stunning book covers🎬 Fun, eye-catching book videos🎮 Interactive game adaptations that bring your book to life!
Let’s make your book unforgettable and reach more readers than ever.Connect with me here:📱 WhatsApp: +2349134978439💬 Telegram: @ferry_smith📷 Instagram: <@1381785665552781355>🕹️ Discord: fer.rysmith
Let’s create something amazing together!

Nice pacing for this first chapter, as well as details! I could picture exactly what was happening while I was reading. Like some kind of movie. 

In the US, we generally put commas in the quotations, but I don't know about anywhere else: 

"Jones," he responded. 

With the 'he' not capitalized after a comma. 

Other than that, good chapter!